Couple's miracle baby is causing husband disbelief
I married "Andy" a year ago. He has three children from a prior marriage. He had a vasectomy eight years ago, but promised he'd have it reversed so we could have a child together. He didn't get around to it, but I'm pregnant anyway.
At first we felt it was our miracle baby. However, 15 weeks later, Andy is now "sure" the baby isn't his. Things have gotten so bad that I moved out of our house.
Abby, I have never been unfaithful. A paternity test will prove he's the father, but that can't be done until after our baby is born. I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist, but I'm not sure I want to reconcile with him.
Have other readers been in this situation? What was the outcome? -- PREGNANT AND ALONE ON THE EAST COAST
DEAR PREGNANT AND ALONE:
Yes, other readers have been in your situation. In those cases, the vasectomy had somehow reversed itself without surgery. (Perhaps it wasn't done properly in the first place.) Your husband should consult a urologist and have his sperm levels checked. It could provide the "proof" he's looking for a lot sooner than your due date.
Because this has been emotionally devastating for you -- which is understandable -- talking with a therapist will be beneficial regardless of what you decide about your marriage.
My stepson, "David," lives with my husband and me and our 9-year-old son. He is 20 and has been with us since he was a child because his mother couldn't control him. He had major problems in school -- detentions, failing grades, etc. -- and has been nothing but trouble. David is disrespectful, a chronic liar and a thief. He has even threatened to kill us.
David's mother bought him a car and his grandmother gives him money to buy anything he wants -- including guns. He won't get a driver's license, refuses to get a job, won't help around the house and lies to people, saying we don't feed him. He has even said his dad beats him every day.
I want my husband to give David a choice: Get his license, get a job and help around the house, or get out, but my husband refuses. His excuse is, where will he go?
My husband works out of town occasionally, and when he's gone I have our 9-year-old sleep with me and I lock the door because I'm afraid of David. What can we do? -- AFRAID OF MY STEPSON
Because your husband is unwilling to assert his authority, there's nothing you can do. Since he can't or won't get his son the help he needs, for your son's safety you should make other living arrangements.
The situation you have described is dangerous because David has access to weapons. Was he ever given a psychological evaluation? If not, he should have one as a condition of continuing to stay with you and his father. It may provide you with some sorely needed insight because you need more help than I -- or anyone -- can offer in a letter. Without professional help for him, I predict that your stepson will wind up in trouble with the law.
At what point is a person considered to be addicted to prescription drugs? -- BORDERLINE IN SOUTH CAROLINA
When the person increases the dosage beyond what has been prescribed, lies about it and/or tries to get the drugs by devious means.
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