Man with roving eye online needs meds to stay grounded
My marriage has been on the rocks since 2008, when I caught my husband talking to other girls online. He swore he would never do it again and I trusted him, only for it to happen again and again. We have a 2-year-old and I'm pregnant with our second child.
He has now placed another ad online stating that he's a single dad. I am torn. He keeps telling me he loves me and wants only me, and he doesn't know what's wrong with him. He is bipolar and not taking meds for it. He promised this time he will get help and try to get better.
This is the fifth time he has placed an ad or chatted with other girls online. I don't know if I should call it quits or keep trying. I love him and want us to be a family, but I don't know how much more I can take. -- TORN IN CALIFORNIA
Because you still love your husband, make his taking his medication a condition of your continuing the marriage. He needs to be willing to prove to you that he wants you to stay. If he won't do that, then you will have to decide if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life. And please, for your sake and that of your kids, don't have more children with him until you're sure your marriage is on solid ground.
I'm an independent, never-married woman who has been holding out for the right man. I finally found him in "Wayne," a 49-year-old widower with two adult daughters.
Wayne and I have been together for a year -- living together for six months -- but his daughters still refuse to meet me. Wayne says they need time because they lost their mother only two years ago and aren't ready to accept anyone else in his life. The rest of his family has been welcoming and sweet. I'm invited to some family functions, but allowed to attend only those that Wayne's daughters won't be at.
I feel like I am able to share only part of his life and nothing will move forward until his children accept me. I love Wayne. I have searched my whole life for someone like him. How long is long enough to wait? What if they never do? -- ON THE SIDELINES
DEAR ON THE SIDELINES:
You have assessed your situation correctly. You are sharing only part of Wayne's life, and won't be moving forward until his adult daughters accept you or Wayne asserts himself. Wayne should be ashamed of himself. He should have introduced you to his daughters when you started living together. As his partner, you should not have been excluded from any family functions. As long as Wayne does nothing, nothing will change.
My husband and I have worked hard and spent our money carefully. We are almost ready to pay off our home. I would love to have a "mortgage-burning" party, but I'm worried about showing off in this uncertain economy. Can we have this party, or should we just make our last payment and be quiet? -- THRILLED IN SAN JOSE
Taking into consideration that many people have not been as fortunate as you in spite of the fact that they too worked hard, lived frugally and followed all the rules, my advice is to have a quiet celebration with your husband and forgo the party.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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