Romance that lost its spark is unlikely to catch fire again
My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. I regret moving in with him when I did, which was after only three months of dating.
We have been through a lot, including my struggle with various health issues. Throughout this he has become an insensitive person who treats me like garbage. There has been a lot of emotional abuse happening, and it has taken me quite a while to be able to see it.
The other night I was about to break up with him. Then he suddenly changed his tune. He said: "I'm listening. You're right. I need to change. I love you."
Abby, at this point I really don't care, but I gave him another chance. Was I wrong to do that? He has changed for now -- quite drastically -- but I know he could easily go back.
I no longer love him. I also no longer find him attractive, and I actually think he's immensely annoying. He's trying to get me to fall back in love with him, but I really don't want to. So do I stay or do I go? -- WAVERING IN CANADA
Re-read the last paragraph of your letter, and you will see in your own words why it's time for you to go. He may be trying, but frankly, it is too late. Pack your bags. There's nothing deader than a dead romance.
A friend recently shared some great advice. Her mom is 86 and in poor health, so my friend put together an emergency information briefcase for the trunk of her car and another one by the front door.
If anyone needs to take her mother to the ER, all her important information is in two places. This includes medications, doctors, insurance cards, Living Will, power of attorney and family emergency numbers.
I took my friend's advice, and it turned out to be a godsend when I had to take my 79-year-old mother to the ER after a serious fall. The admitting clerks said they wished everyone would do this. (I also included $100 in cash in a small envelope.) I hope you think her idea is worth sharing. -- GLAD I DID IN ALABAMA
If the admitting clerks said they wished everyone would do this, then it's worth a mention in my column. Readers, advance planning such as this could save precious minutes in an emergency.
Due to an accident I had as a teenager, I can't father a child. How far into a relationship should I wait to tell a woman this? While I wouldn't mention it on the first date, I don't want someone to feel betrayed if she wasn't informed.
There's also the issue of finding a woman who's OK with it. So far, the ones I have dated ended the relationship because they couldn't accept being childless or adopting. -- GUY WHO NEEDS AN ANSWER
Mention it when the subject of children comes up. Not every woman wants children. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
P.S. If you include the fact that you can't father a child on your dating profile, it will filter out those women who do. I'm advising you to prepare for an avalanche.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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