Anti-bullying strategies: Does 'walking away' work?
Girl Scout CEO Jan Barker with Alena Buczynski, Kimber Bishop-Yanke, and Maddie Rayner
Photo by Char Luttrell
Sure, it may be easier for teachers, school administrators and even parents to advise kids to “just walk away,” but recent news reports indicate that the problem of bullying is getting worse, not better.
That’s why Girl Scouts Heart of Michigan (GSHOM) brought Kimber Bishop-Yanke, President of Girls Empowered, to the sixth Girl Developers Summit in Kalamazoo in early February. Kimber teaches kids to use their knowledge, beliefs, connections and resources to find their own “voice,” the voice that will give them the power to stand up to bullies. She says that the momentary discomfort that children feel when first confronting a bully fades as they come to understand that they do have the power to stop hurtful comments directed at themselves and others.
Girls Empowered teaches specific language to stop bullies in their tracks. Language such as: “I don’t like what you said about me. “ (first offense) “I told you I didn’t like it when you said that about me.” (second offense) “I will have to report you.” (third offense). Of course, parents and school officials must follow up when kids do report bullies, so that all the children involved will know that unkind behavior won’t be tolerated by adults.
Through Girls Empowered workshops held with Girl Scout troops, schools, church groups and camps throughout the country, Kimber is teaching girls and boys that it is okay to confront bullies, to “Stop the Meanness; Spread the Kindness.” Through Girls Empowered, she has taken her message to 55,000 children and adults.
A second step toward building power is for children to get involved in groups that give them a chance to serve the their community, according to Kimber, who was as Girl Scout leader for six years.
“I always advise parents to get their children involved in a group, at church, school or sports,” said Kimber. “I always encourage Girl Scouting for girls.”
Joining Kimber at the summit were two Girl Scout Cadettes from Marshall, Michigan, who created an “anti-bullying week” at their middle school last spring. Maddie Rayner and Alena Buczynski wanted to honor the life of Phoebe Prince, the New England teen who ended her life after being bullied by her classmates. They wrote “Phoebe’s Pledge” and asked schoolmates and adults to sign it, promising “to not engage in gossip or bullying and to take a stand to support victims of bullying.” Alena’s and Maddie’s work earned them the Girl Scout Silver Award and coverage by People magazine and Nick News.
“Alena and Maddie are two shining examples of the courage, confidence and character that Girl Scouting builds, “ said Jan Barker, CEO of GSHOM.
What do you think? Take our poll on anti-bullying tactics:
Char Luttrell is a Communications Specialist for Girl Scouts Heart of Michigan. You can reach her at cluttrell@gshom.org.
Comments
ypsituckian
Sun, Feb 20, 2011 : 3:10 a.m.
Most of the bullies I encountered were rich little brats. It's that way in grade school, and it's that way in the real world. I'm not liking the idea of having to explain that to my children.
Laura
Sun, Feb 20, 2011 : 1:24 a.m.
Myth 1: Bullies Come From Violent - Lower Class Families, Myth 2: Children Are Victims Of Bullying Because Schools Fail To Protect Them, Myth 3: Female Bullies Tease But Rarely Fight Like Male Bullies FREE E Book "3 Myths About Bullying" <a href="Http://Profilingyourlife.com/" rel='nofollow'>Http://Profilingyourlife.com/</a>
A2 N8ive
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 6:21 p.m.
I was a tall, quiet kid. I took a lot of flack and was taught not to respond... It ALL stopped when I knocked the snot out of one of my tormentors. In talking with friends who were taller than normal as kids. I found that ALL of them were harassed, I guess it makes the bully feel more empowered to pick on someone bigger. Unfortunately, it usually takes something physical to get the message across to these jerks. My husband had similar experiences as a child and resolved it the same way I did. Sadly, it's about the most effective way to empower the target.
TripleVSix
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 2:48 p.m.
Bullies are actually yellow cowards. My personal "research" shows that one quick punch to the face that draws blood takes care of any bully permanently. After that the bully will leave you alone and go find some other kid who doesn't fight back because he has learned that bullying you only leads to embarrassment for him, which is the opposite of the admiration of his (also yellow coward) entourage who feed him with the attention he seeks. These days the backwards schools are likely to suspend a kid for defending himself, but at home any dad worth his salt will support his son for doing this.
tim
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 2:17 p.m.
What to do depends on the bullies, some bullies will keep it up if your kid is passive ( your kid needs to stand up for him/her self). Standing up may be a bad idea if the bully is a nutty/violent type. The worse the environment the bully is raised in the more likely he/ she will be the violent type that's why not all schools are equal, that's why kids want to school of choice into Ann Arbor schools.
Roaring_Chicken
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 1:05 p.m.
This article on bullying in schools is an ironic bookend to the news stories this week about cuts in the WI and MI public education budgets, "threats" to teachers, and so on. When the SETTING of the "educational process" gets in the way of the process itself (ie, learning), circumstances are ripe for a paradigm shift. When you take classes online, no one bullies you. You can be black, white, male, female, fat, thin ... Equality and safety in classrooms is coming, when the day dawns on a classroomless school. No busing, no hall guards, no janitors. No "snow days" and no lice infestations. Just wait for it.
Macabre Sunset
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 12:27 p.m.
I agree, Jill. This is too much to expect our most vulnerable citizens to handle. When we tolerate bullying in school, we are tolerating actions, which if committed by adults would result in long jail sentences. How in the world can we expect our children to handle this on their own? And by telling them they have to react in a specific manner, we are shifting the blame to the victim.
Jill
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 7:42 a.m.
Responding to the bully in any way just gives them more ammunition and fuels the fire. I don't think there is really anything the victim can safely do. It is up to adults to take control of the situation. When they don't, I don't think there's any way the victim can when. Even if they "stand up for themselves" with physical violence, that can just provoke retaliation and escalate the situation. The adults have to get involved, and mean it.
15crown00
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 6:49 a.m.
You walk away from a dedicated bully and they will get you sooner or later.At some point u have to confront them and whip em.Get the first couple punches in or maybe jusy a well placed kick and go from there.
UtrespassM
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 12:08 a.m.
To the little bully, you can report the bully to an adult. but when we face the big bully, like some big guys at U, what can you do? who can you report to?
FattyJ
Fri, Feb 18, 2011 : 11:30 p.m.
I was bullied a lot as a kid, and I just took whatever they would give to me. And now I'm 40 with no wife and I work as a janitor. So I'd recommend doing what I did.
A2K
Fri, Feb 18, 2011 : 9:32 p.m.
Swift suspension and/or expulsion of bullies is the only way to stop the behavior. As a kid, I spent years ignoring the bullies (parents were adamant about never, ever, ever hitting another person), which didn't work - in fact, it encouraged them to physically restrain me and be more physical when I'd try to leave. The only thing that worked was I flipped-out after being assaulted in a stairwell by two boys (while the ringleader who got them to do it, a girl, looked on - laughing) so I beat the living snot out of her (which caused my own suspension) but it was sooooo very cathartic. However, after the flood was tapped (so to speak) I had all kinds of rage issues and had to see a therapist for years. So I'd say it's MUCH better for all to deal with the bully issues expeditiously...or your kind, quiet, bookish kid could turn into a self-avenger and end-up in a therapist's chair for years (or worse!)
spm
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 1:01 p.m.
@A2K - I had a similar experience. Was bullied by a neighborhood kid for years and I tried to ignore her. Finally, one day I snapped and got into the fight I was trying to avoid for years. Guess what? The kid left me alone after that. Frankly, I think you need to stand up for yourself and not let people bully you.
Karen
Sat, Feb 19, 2011 : 4:18 a.m.
Oh, no, don't expel bullies. Make them face the music publicly. Give them no escape from their transgressions. Make them deal with their issues, and right their wrongs.
Macabre Sunset
Fri, Feb 18, 2011 : 8:48 p.m.
Maybe instead of focusing on the victim, if the schools actually suspended and expelled bullies, the problem would abate. It seems like the schools are run in the same manner the court system is run, however, with all the benefit and all the money focused on rewarding the criminal.
Macabre Sunset
Fri, Feb 18, 2011 : 10:14 p.m.
What can we do about the parents? We already know they're incompetent because they're the ones who created the bully in the first place. Should they be held legally responsible for the damage their children create? I don't know if I'd support that, but I'm not necessarily against it. But I believe very firmly that children who have proven to be violent should be removed from mainstream schools.
Marc Williams
Fri, Feb 18, 2011 : 9:38 p.m.
As a kid who was bullied throughout my public school career I have to say none of this helps. Just because a bully is suspended or expelled does not mean they, their friends, or even their parents will not retaliate. You mention the victims, the bullies, and the schools. Why not the one element that could make a difference? The parents.