I am the organizer of our annual block party. It’s a surprisingly big job. You’d think you could just post a sign in the field down the street: MEET HERE SATURDAY. BRING FOOD. But it’s much more complicated than that.

You have to run around a lot, so it’s important to be in decent physical shape.

You have to purchase pounds and pounds of meat, so it’s important to know your math. (And your meat.)

And it helps if you’re the very patient type. Because there’s always a kid—you don’t know him, you don’t know where his parents are—who follows you from place to place, whining. (“I’m STARVING. When are the BURGERS going to be ready?” Or, “No BIKE parade? What a CROCK.”)

Every year, I swear I’m going to pass the torch to a new organizer. This year, though, I mean it. I’m ready to let someone else handle the meat and the kid. I’m ready to grab a beverage and one of those chairs with the built-in cup holder.

So, I’ve made a list of Dos and Don’ts for my successor. If you’re thinking of organizing your own neighborhood celebration, feel free to learn from my hard-earned experience.

1) DO distribute invitations. Ask each of your neighbors to bring chairs, shade umbrellas, and a potluck dish to share.

2) DON’T stick the last 20 invitations in the trunk of your minivan and totally forget to deliver them. (Or else everyone at the party will be scratching their heads, saying things like, "Gee, I wonder why Steve isn't here.")

3) DO get the city’s permission to cordon off your street so that kids can ride their bikes with carefree abandon. Then, prepare yourself for one or two renegade motorists who will ignore the barricades and drive down your street anyway.

4) DON’T let your husband anywhere near the water balloons, or he will hurl them at the aforementioned renegade motorists.

5) DO rent a bounce house. It will be an enormous, inflatable kid-keeper.

6) DON’T climb into the bounce house at around 11:00 p.m. and try that cheerleader splits-in-the-air move from your high school days. (Plan B: DO stock up on bandages and Bengay.)

7) DO make a crock-pot of your husband’s cousin’s sugary baked beans. They are delicious and an excellent source of fiber.

8) DON’T accidentally leave your crock-pot in the field overnight, or a couple of rotten teenagers will come along in the wee hours and smear leftover beans on chairs, tables, tents, coolers, and toys.

(Parents: Do you know where your teen was last Sunday at around 1:30 a.m.? If not, check his or her clothing for traces of bean.)

9) DO have excellent neighbors. This is important.

An excellent neighbor will make M&M cookies, or inflate the bounce house, or set up iPod speakers with a mix of hits from the '70s, '80s, and '90s.

An excellent neighbor will lug bags of ice, or bring those awesome balloons that whistle through the air.

An excellent neighbor will be the person who grills pounds and pounds of meat.

And a REALLY excellent neighbor will scrape your husband’s cousin’s sugary baked beans off of a patio umbrella at dawn on a Sunday.

10) DO take the time to look around you, because there will be a few perfect moments. Cottonwood fluff will float through the air. Laughter will drift toward you from the bounce house. Someone will bring you a cookie and a drink.

You’ll shake your head at the giddy, idyllic wonder of it all, and love for your neighbors will well up in your heart.

And you’ll sigh happily.

And you’ll think to yourself, “Which one of these poor schmos can I sucker into organizing the block party next year?”

Heather Heath Chapman is a block party organizer and a mother of two. She is offering a reward to anyone who can deliver a couple of rotten, bean-covered teenagers. You can reach her at heatherchapman1@me.com.