Grand Hotel at Mackinac Island

Theresa Bassett | Contributor

When you have more than two or three children, it is important to find creative ways for each child to have special time with their parents.

Nightly, when eight people gather around the dinner table, there is more waiting and listening than there is talking. And then when it is your turn to pipe in, chances are someone will interrupt. It can be frustrating.

Sometimes it is nice to have your parents' undivided attention.

Long ago, we started what we called "date nights." We take only one child with us and head out, just the three of us. We do a variety of things from going out to dinner, to a park, a book store, to a friend's house, or to a movie. Anywhere but home. Usually it involves eating.

Our nights together are always wonderful. Time is spent with just that one child, and the conversation focuses almost entirely on that child. We catch up and talk about school, friends and any issues that they are having. Each child receives their parents' undivided attention.

There are times when fighting breaks out over who gets to go on the date night, as they are precious and infrequent. We try to rotate but sometimes we can sense that a child just needs extra attention. Other times, we pick a child to celebrate their success and/or sometimes to acknowledge their disappointments. It all seems to have worked out in terms of fairness.

I wish I could say that date nights happen once a month or more, but sometimes it happens only a couple times a year. Regardless, my kids remember those nights out.

When our oldest turned 16, we took her out for her biggest date night yet. We traveled to a nearby city overnight and saw "Wicked." We had a fabulous dinner, show and leisurely breakfast. It was wonderful.

I really wonder who enjoys the date nights more. It is clear that the kids like them, but the connection that I have with each child, independent of anyone else, is so important. It feels like we truly reconnect each time. I find I appreciate each child even more after spending some time with them.

Our second daughter, although she turned 16 years-old two years ago, just had her 16th birthday date night (or date overnight). We took her to Mackinac Island and had a fabulous time. I know she appreciated not having to run interference between her brothers and sister or share the air time, or share really anything at all!

There are so many fun aspects of being in a large family, but there are challenges as well. Having date nights is one way that we have tried to give each kid the extra special attention that they need and deserve. And when my kids look back, they often remember those date nights. My wish is that date nights continue long into the future.

Theresa Bassett is a parent to six children. Passions include kids, adoption, transracial and alternative families. Reach her at theresabassett1@hotmail.com