opinion: Don't blame Somer Thompson's mother for her death

It's absolutely safe in my neighborhood, as in the VAST VAST majority of every other neighborhood too. My children begin walking to kindergarten alone at age 5. By 7 or 8, they've obtained so much experience, maturity, common sense, and realization of what's going on around them, that they get to roam our entire neighborhood alone... by 11 or 12? The city. And they'll be just fine.

They have a higher risk of dying by falling in the bathtub than by stranger abduction. I refuse to live in fear, and I refuse to let my children live in fear.

Could you imagine what a beautiful world it would be if more children said "hello" to strangers instead of cowering in fear of them?

The risk of being brutally murdered by a madman is an order of magnitude lower than the risk of becoming obese and getting diabetes because your parents drive you everywhere and don't let you play outside except on special occasions.

It is sad that some parents don't even think their kids can set one foot outside the home without being murdered... You are putting your child at risk 10000000% more just driving down the road...

Its not a blame game just change. Don't make excuses, watch your kids where ever they are. Even if they are teenagers, they can still be overwhelmed and taken by a full size adult. The abuductions will still happen but you will be there to fight for your kids and not wondering where they are at. Parent your kids, they can't raise themselves.

I grew up in the city of Detroit and walked to school in a neighborhood where as I approached high school age, the local Johns would mistake me for a hooker. Nothing bad ever happened to me except for the normal bad things any kid might experience. Once I was beaten up by another kid from my school and once a couple of boys threw rocks at me and a friend as we walked by their house. That anyone living in a very suburban low crime area would be considered negligent by anyone really makes me wonder. People are a little disconnected with reality sometimes and always quick to judge other people's parenting decisions. But seriously people, allowing your child to walk to school, even in a bad neighborhood, may be safer than driving them (although of course, driving kids to school is not a bad or dangerous decision either).

What is your point exactly Martin?
You come to no conclusion. This mother knew her kid was walking from school...

Martin- Isn't part of "parenting" teaching kids how to be independent? At what point do we let them go? I'm a small women... smaller than most teenagers. At age 35, should I still have a parental escort, because it's possible for someone to physically overpower me?

My heart goes out to her. There will always be tragedy and hers is one of them. Whether it's abductions, cancer, car crashes or trees falling -- some families will enormous losses and it behooves us to sympathize, not to act out our own fears by demonizing them.

Great editorial. The sensationalism and rush to judgment around this poor girl are ridiculous. I walked to school when I was 7, I rode my bike all over town when I was 10, I hitchhiked across the country when I was 17, and I never had an issue. My kids likely will do the same things, and they'll be stronger for it. And there's a chance they'll get abducted by a stranger, but it's less than the chance they'll be run down by a car or struck by lightning. Life is full of risks, and being a parent means weighing these risks logically.

Excellent piece, Jen. People always rush to condemn the parents when something tragic happens to a child, and that always breaks my heart.

LOL @patrick. Great point!

No, I wouldn't let my kids walk a mile to school at age 7. I didn't either and I lived in a "safe" neighborhood. I do feel for the mother, I was hoping it would end differently when I saw her on tv the night before.

Really, you must be joking. No it is not safe for a 7 year old to walk a mile to and from school without adult supervision...ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE CLOSE TO 80 SEX OFFENDERS WITHIN A 3 MILE RADIUS OF HER HOUSE!!!!!!!!! Any parent that would allow their children to do that is not fit to parent. I'm sorry.

But Phil, what are they registered *for*? Something they served their time for and have been good ever since? Did it involve a child? An adult? An 18yo having sex with his 17yo girlfriend? Peeing in public?

Just having the label of "sex offender" doesn't automatically mean these people are dangerous. Unfortunately, it's too broad a brand.

Great article! Increased vigilance is never going to hurt, but, there are reasonable expectations. It is too bad that cable media loves to make us think that they care about these tragic stories when all they are really hoping for is to persecute someone. Ratings seem to soar whenever they can make someone else's life suck worse than the average viewer. Judge not lest ye be judged.

There is a balance but overall, helicoptering parents have really gone too far. When I was a Boy Scout Leader (not Cub Scouts) there were parents who would not let their boys go camping at Hudson Mills in Dexter without a cellphone...and...the boys had to check in with the parents at night. This was despite our Troops' ban against electronics in the tent. Don't tell me a 7 year old can't walk or bike a mile to school in a decent neighborhood.

NO Child should walk home from school unsupervised !!! No child should be left to the care of young siblings. The mother could have prevented this tragedy had she walked with the children ! It only takes a split second for a child to go missing, as we have read about and seen lately....

PHILG284: I applaud you for your wise comment and observation. The mother is grieving...TOO LATE !!!! WHERE WAS SHE?

I walked to school unsupervised from the time I was 6 years old (30+ years ago). So did most of my friends. We did so many things that kids just aren't allowed to do anymore because it is too "dangerous". I never thought my parents were irresponsible. I agree with the author that the perception of danger is what has increased. My heart goes out to the mother of Somer Thompson. She has suffered enough. She will second-guess herself for the rest of her life. She doesn't deserve the scorn she has received or prosecution.

Thank you for the perspective. I think people judge/lash out because incidents like this bring out our worst fears. We want to feel like it hasn't happened to us because we're the "good" parents. Labeling her the bad parent somehow reassures us that she deserved her fate. Of course, that poor mother didn't deserve it. None of us can protect our kids against all possible harms, and study after study shows that we put too much time and energy into warding against things that are statistically unlikely to happen, and not enough into the real problems. I agree with Patrick - more harm comes from making kids fearful of getting outside and from suffocating them so much that they cannot gain confidence and independence.

It's interesting that nobody has mentioned the class issue here. There are rich single-income couples who have the luxury to piously claim that all good parents walk their kids to and from school every day and that any parent who doesn't stalk their kids on a Boy Scout camp-out is abusive. And there are the other 99.9% of the parents working 2-3 jobs. They are either single parents or couples struggling to make ends meet. When the choice is having a little faith in humanity that the kid can make it home to dinner vs. not having food to put on the table (or a home at all), it's no longer an ivory tower discussion. It's likely that the majority of commenters on here (myself included) have the luxury to think about this from a position of privilege. If we didn't, we'd be at work instead of commenting.

I think it's funny how people say this world is more dangerous now than it was 30 years ago. The world hasn't changed, but how much we know about it has. Ignorance is bliss.

I feel bad for my 5-yr-old daughter having to live in a world of peers who grow up under lock and key. Even though she will be allowed to walk to school and play outside, this misguided movement to "protect" kids is going to make our already-unfriendly society even more anti-social.

Why are people blaming the mother? I don't understand. If you ask me, the person who abducted her is to blame. Nobody asks for this. Put yourself in her shoes before you go lambasting her just because she parents differently than you do.

CLX - I think you are right that people judge the parents in cases like this in an attempt to reassure themselves that it would never happen to them.

Mike D- I agree, there is definitely an element of the class issue in these discussions. To answer Lily Wong's question "Where was the mother?" ... she was at work. She's a single mother.

I received the following email from a woman who lives in a community near Somer Thompson's. She gave me permission to post it here:

Dear Jen,
I loved your article and think you are right on! I live in a nearby community to where Somer disappeared. Here in northern Florida, the school districts do not operate buses and you are correct, it is NOT uncommon here for kids to walk to school. In our neighborhood there are MANY children who walk or bike to and from school every day. The woman who said she was there at 6:45 and at 2 pm is nuts ... esp in less "affluent" neighborhoods, parents have to work! I have been fortunate to stay home with my children but have gladly given a ride to kids in my neighborhood when the situations have risen where that needed to happen. It is a difficult choice, some said maybe Somer's mom should have taken a different job where she could be at home when they left/got home from school but honestly, what ideal job would that be? I certainly dont know of any! As a school teacher, the dilemma frightens me. The district here on the First Coast of FL has put parents in a terrible place, deciding over the child's safety budgetary issues. It creates a terrible problem for people who are just getting by. Thank you for responsible writing and for not blaming the victim's mom and family. The press and the public are adding to a woman who has already lost more than is imaginable.

Very respectfully,
Heather Johnston
Orange Park FL

I wanted to respond to some of the postings on here about Somer Thompson. I do not live in her neighborhood, but I do live in the same city(and it's not very big). The reason her mother was not with her is because she is a single parent who has to work to support her children. If employers worked around school hours, that would be great, but they don't. She could sit at home and get welfare, but then you would just complain about her being lazy. It is surreal to see my city all over the national news for something like this, but my family is not going to live their lives in fear. Orange Park is a quiet city, where stuff like this does not happen everyday. I am just barely 5ft tall, so I could easily be overpowered by a guy, but I don't let that stop me from going out alone. And this will not stop me from letting my children go out and play. So instead of judging her mother for someone taking her child, let's try to have some compassion for a grieving mother who has lost her child. Not one person on here is perfect, so never say this will not happen to me because you never know.

Excellent column. I linked to your column from the column in Jacksonville's paper. I live in Jacksonville not far from Orange Park and in a neighborhood very similar. This was an awful story but we do need to keep some perspective. There are so many other way more likely ways for a child to be harmed. Certainly appropriate precautions need to be made but not letting your children out of the house is not one of them.

I agree, our perception of danger has increased due to sensationalism while actual danger is decreasing. And passing along unrealistic fears to our children is giving them an inaccurate view of the world. Bruce Schneier, a well known security guru, has a good short essay on the topic of how the human brain handles risk assessment: http://www.schneier.com/essay-162.html

I am thinking that anyone judging this poor women for her decision better hope nothing ever happens to your own children. Otherwise, you might be the one under the scope. Obviously your perfect.

Have you ever looked in your own area to see how many sex offenders are near by? So, if one of them abducts your child from your backyard, are you to blame because you don't have a fence?

Speaking from experience, how many sex offenders do you think you have living near by that have never been prosecuted? Be rational. We should as a society be angry with the murderer not the mother. Why is it when there is a crisis, society tends to tear down each other down rather than building each other up?

One more point I think you might want to think about, is that Somer Thompson's mother is in complete anguish and punishing herself. What type of person actually gets on a forum and blasts her this way? Seems like some of you need to re-evaluate your compassion button. Talk about anti-social.

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