It was 5:30 p.m. on Oct. 26 when I crossed the intersection of Ecorse Road and Ford Boulevard. I could see the flashing lights of several police cars down the road. My first thought was something tragic must have happened. Once I reached my destination, I found out that the situation was in fact fatal. A mother lost her life. Her children, the same age as my children were, taken to the hospital.

My heart sank as I learned of the details of the fatal crash: a young mother killed by a drunk driver. Suddenly the misbehavior of my son that day was minor. My thoughts turned to this family with a link of their family chain broken. As I opened a Sunday school book that evening, the lesson title was God’s Presence Comforts and Assures.

The lesson title caused me to ponder the question, how does one comfort a child who has experienced a tragedy? How do you assure them that things will be alright? During challenging times we hear people say that time heals all wounds. However, children need immediate coping mechanisms or something concrete that they can understand.

In an article by therapist JoAnn Jarolmen, it was indicated that children as young as six years old feel grief and “need to experience their feelings surrounding the event.” It was further indicated that children do not always experience the same response to tragic events as adults and many times they experience a delayed response. Parents should let their child know that it is ok to feel sad. If a death has occurred, a child will need sufficient time to mourn in order to get back on the road to normalcy.

In a time of crisis, a child needs to feel safe, loved and secure. David Fassler, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Vermont says tragedy shakes a child’s sense of ability to trust the world around her (from the article "The Sky is Falling! Helping Preteens Handle Tragedy").

Fassler gives the following tips for helping preteens cope with a tragedy:
• Be open, honest and available to talk to kids. They need accurate information.
• Create as much predictability and stability as possible. Keep routines, school and familiar people.
• Keep an eye out for complaints of physical ailments, as preteens often express stress this way.
• Especially keep an eye on preteens who don’t have any reaction. “They are the ones to really worry about, because they are keeping everything bottled up,” Fassler says.

When a tragedy occurs, no one’s life is quite the same. Finding comfort will depend upon how the situation is handled. If you are a strong spiritual person, this can be a good time to explain faith using examples that children can understand. No matter what, we want to be sure the message is conveyed that they are loved and will survive.

Angela Verges is a writer and mother of two. She can be reached at awritersdream41@yahoo.com.