Unique digital thank-you notes a fun way to teach children about manners

Dear Kerry,
I have a question about manners. With Thanksgiving already here, the holidays are not far behind. My kids’ grandparents and all the other relatives expect thank you notes from my children for holiday gifts and birthday presents. But my kids are 4 and 6, and it’s a really big job to get them to sit down and do cards. Any suggestions?
-EP, Illinois

Dear EP,

I am sure we all remember feeling like thank-you notes are a chore. I don’t think we understood as kids how much our grandparents valued them and how they put them up on the refrigerator and bragged about our handwriting.

We also want our children to grow up with good manners and sincere appreciation for loving gestures from other people. Being forced to write thank-you notes, however, can cast a shadow on the pleasure of the gift and dull real gratitude for the giver. That dutiful feeling may even get in the way of learning gracious interactions with others.

I recently heard a suggestion from a mother of a young child that seemed like a great way to resolve the conflict. She and her daughter set up a “photo shoot” with all the presents. The mom took pictures of her little girl playing with her presents. Then they attached each picture to an email, with a dictated message from her daughter for the giver of the gift.

The feedback was very, very positive. Everyone loved seeing her child playing with her presents, and it made the thank-you come alive. This mom noted that she had saved the expense of cards and stamps, a few trees, and hours of nagging. Best of all, her daughter had a ball playing and taking pictures. They forged a happy link between receiving presents and giving thanks — that’s a lesson we can all get behind! Manners that are fun get built into the personality and help make a nice child into a loving grownup.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

Kerry Kelly Novick is a local child, adolescent and adult psychoanalyst, affiliated with the Michigan Psychoanalytic Institute and the Michigan Psychoanalytic Council. She is a founder of Allen Creek Preschool and author, with Jack Novick, of “Emotional Muscle,” available at http://www.xlibris.com or buildemotionalmuscle.com. You can reach her through www.allencreek.org with your comments and questions for future columns. The ideas and opinions in this column are Kerry Kelly Novick’s and do not necessarily represent the views of Allen Creek Preschool, MPI or MPC.