Life Lessons: Teaching young children to give
Gabriella Mayrend ringing the bell for the Salvation Army Red Kettle Drive at the Ypsilanti Township Kroger, December 2009
It seems all they do is say “I want”. It’s hard to blame them though, when the stores, catalogs and television commercials are filled with things we “need” to have. Most of all, I want them to learn to understand that there are many families that don’t have the blessings that we have been gifted with; we’re lucky to have friends and family that helped when things got tight. For my children, their lives and comforts have been mostly unchanged even when we were laid off.
I know it’s a big task, teaching these lessons. My children are still very young, but I was determined to find something to help teach them even if it’s in the most rudimentary way. I figured they needed to “experience” these lessons themselves, because often the best messages are learned through doing. In the past month or so, I was able to open these doors and walk through hand-in-hand with my children.
My first teaching opportunity was given as we were able to participate as “volunteer shoppers” for the AnnArbor.com Warm the Children Program. We were able to assist three families with their shopping!
So how does participating in that program help teach my children empathy for those in need? Primarily because my children can spend time helping children their own age to purchase clothing items they may otherwise have to do without. Luckily all three of our families had children of similar ages!
The program covers $90 per child for the families to purchase coats, boots, hats, mittens, underwear, socks or other necessary clothing items for the winter. As volunteer shoppers, we meet each of the families at a local Meijer, possibly helping them pick out items. The shopper helps keep tabs on how much money is remaining and also assists with the check-out process and necessary paperwork. We really didn’t “do” a lot, but I knew that we’d be experiencing the joy these children feel, and I was hoping that my children, especially my oldest, would understand what we were doing for these families.
The first family had already shopped by the time we arrived, which bummed out Zach. He wanted to help. So Zach’s biggest job became taking the kids over to Penny the Pony for a ride. He seemed partially satisfied because I had tasked him with keeping the pennies before we arrived at the store. His doing that made things easier on everyone involved with the shopping. The children thanked and hugged us when they left, and I told Zach how proud I was because he helped keep the children busy while we rang up their items.
Shopping with our second family was a more “active” challenge. There were 4 children to shop for, plus I brought both Zach and Gabby. I suppose I may have had a moment of insanity to think bringing both of my children to shop for 4 others was a good idea, however that insanity was quickly dismissed. Zach went off to help the oldest child, a 10 year old who happily accepted Zach’s shopping assistance. Apparently it was Zach’s job to tell the other boy “Awesome” every time the boy picked something out. The young man was very appreciative and was amazed at what he was able to buy. I was thankful that the Meijer was mostly empty because I spent the next two hours chasing 4 children under the age of 7 around as the mother chose appropriate clothing. We definitely got the entire experience that night, and I so hoped the kids understood what was happening. I certainly needed a hot bubble bath and a glass of wine!
Our third and final family shopping for Warm the Children was a much quieter experience. During the trip I asked Gabby if she knew what we were doing and she replied “Yup, we’re buying clothes for kids who don’t have money.” Check, she got it!
The second teaching opportunity arrived as I signed up to ring the bell for the Salvation Army. I didn’t expect the children to spend an entire two-hour block ringing with me, but thought if it wasn’t too cold maybe they would. The experience went mostly as expected, each child taking the opportunity to ring or sing. Gabby actually decided to recite “Either ring or sing” which I thought was pretty brilliant for a 3 ½ year-old!
We rang the bells outside our local Ypsilanti Township Kroger store twice. What I hadn’t anticipated though, was having my children running in and out of the automatic doors to climb onto the Pooh ride-on or gaze adoringly at the wall of gumballs, candy and trinkets. They so wanted money to ride on Pooh or to get something from the machines. I however did not have the change to give them, and even if I did, the money would have been used to illustrate my point by donating it into the kettle!
The children certainly enjoyed putting money into the red kettle though, as passers-by handed them the money to add. Believe me they got many donations by being there ringing, after all who could resist two pink-cheeked cherubic faces ringing the bell for donations?
On our second night of ringing, the window washers appeared at Kroger. My immediate thought was “Great they are going to hate my two for adding gunk and grime back to the windows once they are finished.” I was surprised (and slightly annoyed) that my son asked them if he could “help” them. He was supposed to be ringing the bells, and I didn’t want him bugging those individuals working. At the same time, he was offering to help someone else and for some odd reason they accepted his offer.
The amazing thing happened as they “paid him” fifty-cents for helping clean the windows. I fully expected him to walk over to the gumball machines or to “feed” Pooh, instead he walked over to the red kettle and motioned that he was going to put his hard-earned money into it. I told him he didn’t have to and he replied that he “wanted to so that he could help someone else.”
At that moment I was the proudest mother around. You couldn’t have wiped the grin from my face if you tried!
Tammy Mayrend is a Search Marketing professional who blogs on local activities for families at annarbormom.com.
Comments
Annie Zirkel
Sat, Dec 19, 2009 : 9:03 a.m.
Tammy - your efforts to instill a sense of connectedness in your children is commendable. Being actively involved in letting others know that they are not alone helps the world be a better place. Writing a check is very distant. It is so easy to forget or minimize that others don't always have it as good when we don't SEE them. Sounds like you did this all with such respect too. And when you see your child do a sweet thing like that - helps you know you are on the right track. What a great way to pass on your values to your kids. They are lucky to have you!
Pam Stout
Sat, Dec 19, 2009 : 8:56 a.m.
Tammy, kudos to you for intentionally creating opportunities for your children to experience the joy of giving. Gabby's big smile speaks a thousand words, and it is something she'll carry with her for life. It's one thing to give our kids a quarter or dollar to drop in the bucket; you're going far beyond that with your kids. Thank you for the inspiration! Keep that grin on your face and enjoy a blessed Christmas.
Tammy Mayrend
Sat, Dec 19, 2009 : 8:34 a.m.
Thanks for your comment Tii, when we had food stamp assistance last year because of lay-offs I would have had difficulty with someone shopping with me (us) however as volunteer shoppers the point is not to purchase for the individuals. The shoppers are just paper-bearers really and IF the families have not completed the shops then we assist as necessary. In fact the families are encouraged to shop ahead of time. I actually asked all of the families if my children being there (as a teaching lesson) would be acceptible, and all of the families welcomed them warmly. We loved the experience. I do feel that my child actually "seeing" his contribution is important, we do many other things where his assistance is not as evident, and while he is learning to give, he rarely sees the results of what he has done. I am proud of the giving child he is becoming and the young man and good member of society he'll become. Regardless of the types of things he decides to give to. Thanks again for your comments, it is always important that those who can give and those who are having difficulties give what they can - Even if it is their time.
Tii
Sat, Dec 19, 2009 : 7:15 a.m.
It is important that children learn to share/give. There might be better ways to instill social responsibility rather than face to face contact with the recipient. It was mentioned that one family had already completed its shopping. I would imagine it might be uncomfortable for the recipient to have the perceived "donor" tagging along. Perhaps not for the very young children but for the accompanying adult. As Maimonides wrote: 1. The highest degree, exceeded by none, is that of a person who assists a poor Jew by providing him with a gift or a loan or by accepting him into a business partnership or by helping him find employment in a word, by putting him where he can dispense with other people's aid. 2. A step below this stands the one who gives alms to the needy in such a manner that the giver knows not to whom he gives and the recipient knows not from whom it is that he takes. 3. One step lower is that in which the giver knows to whom he gives but the poor person knows not from whom he receives. 4. A step lower is that in which the poor person knows from whom he is taking but the giver knows not to whom he is giving. 5. The next degree lower is that of him who, with his own hand, bestows a gift before the poor person asks. 6. The next degree lower is that of him who gives only after the poor person asks. 7. The next degree lower is that of him who gives less than is fitting but gives with a gracious mien. 8. The next degree is that of him who gives morosely. Thought: Makes one wonder about those who have their names prominently noted when they give money for a building/school at the university and have the building/school named for them.