AnnArbor.com held a free bullying prevention discussion on Thursday, bringing together about 25 local parents, educators and experts to discuss the topic of bullying, which has been in the news lately.

Panelists were Washtenaw Area Council for Children's Internet Safety Facilitator Robin Batten, Whitmore Lake Middle School Principal Michael Benczarski and relationship consultant Annie Zirkel. The discussion was moderated by Dr. Matthew Davis, a researcher and pediatrician at the University of Michigan Health System.

Davis kicked off the conversation by presenting statistics that show the importance of addressing bullying. According to the most recent National Poll on Children's Health, adults rated bullying as the fourth biggest problem facing children in the United States, behind obesity, drug use and smoking.

Benczarski said the best place for parents to start if they are concerned about bullying is at home, talking with their children about not only being bullied, but also being the bully themselves.

"If you're a parent who says 'It's not my child,' there's a pretty good chance it is your child," Benczarski said.

In his school, Benczarski said they try to prevent bullying by creating a family atmosphere. Every day begins with students gathering for "daily conversations" in small groups. Incidents of bullying are handled using "restorative conferences," with the victim, the aggressor and their supporters meeting and working out a way for the aggressor to repair the harm. One example is the aggressor might carry the victim's books for a couple of weeks, Benczarski said.

For parents, the challenge is often determining when it's appropriate to intervene if their child is being bullied. Zirkel said a good rule of thumb is to determine whether your child is "evenly matched" with the aggressor. An uneven match would occur if a child has any characteristic that puts them at a disadvantage.

If kids are evenly matched, Zirkel says parents should encourage children to stand up for themselves. If not, she recommends parents bring the problem to the attention of school officials — and ask how to be part of the solution.

"Volunteer to set up a committee on bullying, and get teachers to buy-in," Zirkel said.

A lack of empathy is the root of most bullying, Zirkel said. So parents can help prevent bullying by teaching their kids to be more aware of other people's feelings.

When it comes to cyberbullying, Batten said surprisingly, one of the most prevalent factors is the use of online gaming systems, such as the Wii or Nintendo DS. Kids are trash-talking each other and inviting trouble, she said.

Batten said parents just need to be aware of what their kids are doing in cyberspace. They should know how to search for their kids online, and how to check their computer's "history" to see what websites their children have been visiting.

Jen Eyer is on the Community Team at AnnArbor.com. She oversees the Parenting and Pets sections, and writes feature stories, blog posts and opinion pieces. She can be reached at 734-623-2577 or jeneyer@annarbor.