The Twilight saga: 'New Moon' - important questions for teens and tweens
Maybe. Or maybe not.
I had fun reading the first book, and part of the second, but as I read deeper into the series, I felt queasy about issues that had nothing to do with vampires or sexual tension. This saga is targeted at impressionable adolescents who are just beginning to sort out love and relationships.
And I don’t want my sons or daughter to seek relationships like those in the Twilight series. They probably won’t, since we don’t know any vampires or werewolves, but even so, I want to help my kids think through some of the following questions:
1) What do you think of Bella Swan (the girl-next-door heroine)?
Do you think Bella is good role model? What makes her appealing beyond her looks (and apparently, her scent)? Is she interested in anything besides Edward Cullen? Do you think her accident-prone nature is endearing? Does she believe in herself? Do you relate to her struggles? Would you want to be Bella’s friend?
2) What do you think of Edward Cullen (the hot - I mean cold - vampire boyfriend)?
Edward is gorgeous, chivalrous, sophisticated, and did I say gorgeous? I might swoon for him too (except for the cold, hard, sparkly skin part - that’s not for me). What do you like about the way he treats Bella? Does anything concern you? What do you think about the multiple-century age difference between them?
3) How about Jacob Black (the other friend/werewolf)?
What qualities do you see in Jacob? What makes him different from Edward? Who would you prefer as a friend?
3) Are there any human role models in this series?
Are there any (human) women you admire in this movie? What about men? (Do you hear the sound of crickets chirping?)
4) What do you think of Edward and Bella’s relationship?
It’s really exciting to be loved, rescued and protected by a superhuman dreamboat who would do anything for you. Edward clearly loves Bella. But seriously, how much fun would it really be to be Edward Cullen’s girlfriend (aside from the constant threat of peril)? Would you really enjoy being watched nonstop, even while you weren’t aware of it? What if your boyfriend forbid you to go places or talk to certain people? What if he got really angry and out of control sometimes? Are these signs of a healthy relationship, or not?
When Edward leaves her, Bella falls into deep depression until she befriends another guy (Jacob). Do you think Bella could be happy without a boy? If you were her friend, what advice would you give Bella? Do you know the warning signs of serious depression? What are some healthier ways to deal with heartbreak?
Now, many of you might feel like I’m getting much too serious about this fantasy. I get that. I think people can enjoy the passionate thrill of these movies. My teens/tweens will probably roll their eyes and moan, “Mom, you’re doing it again. We can handle this-we know it’s not like real life!” and that’s okay with me. It's my job as their mother to teach them to think carefully about the media. I need to be sure my kids don’t want to be just like Edward. Or Bella. Or both, together. Because that could become a bloody mess-for real.
If you're looking for balanced information to decide whether movies, games or books are age appropriate, I highly recommend Common Sense Media.
With the above caveats, I hope you enjoy the movie, the adventure, and the eye candy. Let me know what you think.
Pam Stout is a mom who interrogates, embarrasses, loves, hugs and does the best she can with her three children. She writes at BeyondJustMom.com and can be reached at pam@beyondjustmom.com.
Comments
Ann Arbor mom
Fri, Nov 27, 2009 : 10:58 a.m.
Pam's article was spot on. I, too, was disturbed by Bella and Edward's relationship when I read the first book in the series. Thanks for shining a light on this important subject: young men and women forming their first intimate relationships.
Pam Stout
Thu, Nov 26, 2009 : 11:42 a.m.
Thanks, Susanm. Well said. And please don't commit to paper cutting your eyeballs. People care about you.
susanm
Tue, Nov 24, 2009 : 10:08 a.m.
Pams article encouraged dialogue with ones family about what might be the real-life consequences of the behaviors of fictional characters and invited us to throw in our two cents. She was not promoting promiscuity among teens. That was quite a leap and though it was an interesting one to watch, it did not seem fueled by the subject at hand. There were other things anonymous said that I found hostile and off-topic that I wont address, but I did want to reply to a statement in the last paragraph as it seems key to the issues. Certainly someone has failed to instill some value of honesty and commitment in relationships in a large number of kids. A pivotal part of the Twilight series plot is lying and keeping secrets. Bella keeps the truth from her parents and friends in order to keep her relationship with Edward going. As for commitment, the important question for me in regards to that is - exactly what are we committing ourselves to? I could commit myself to daily paper cuts on my eyeballs, but my guess is that most of you would fail to find it a virtuous enterprise. Analyzing the culture around us and enjoying fantasy are not mutually exclusive. Indulge, have fun, find morsels and themes you agree with, but I believe we should never shy away from questions, concerns and conversation. There lies the opportunity for us to move from fiction and theory into the realm of this fantastic, messy life we share with other very real people. Fangs and all.
Pam Stout
Sun, Nov 22, 2009 : 4:55 p.m.
I appreciate everyone's feedback, whether you agree or disagree. The important part to me is viewing media with a thinking perspective. @anonymous, I think we can agree on concerns about casual sex and promiscuity. I'm not sure where I might have given the impression that would support meaningless sex, but I certainly do not. I would agree the longer courtship is one positive aspect of the Twilight series. I still have many mixed feelings about this saga, especially through the third and fourth books, so I think it's really important for teens and parents to talk through the issues.
Anonymous Due to Bigotry
Sun, Nov 22, 2009 : 9:53 a.m.
Ok Ms. Pam, allow me to enlighten you about a few things. 1) Girls with relationship dependency problems in real life almost always have extremely crappy parents. The ones with supportive parents simply don't have this problem whether they're "in love" or not. The ones who will have this problem will have it regardless of romantic fantasy stuff. When I was 15 I was hospitalized for being suicidal and for three months was around girls who were also suicidal, largely due to worthless parents and relationship dependency on abusive boyfriends so I'm very familiar with this. 2) I have to wonder if your real problem with this romantic stuff is some sort of pseudo-feminist attitude that says that women should be "independent" (as if anyone really is) which essentially ends up meaning that women should engage in meaningless sex rather than healthy romantic relationships. It's kind of telling that according to a Time Magazine poll something like 70% of women consider love/affection to be important compared to 80% of men! The stats are similar for marriage. More men than women, even young ones like teenagers, consider marriage important. If I recall the difference is something like 70/80% as well. This is just plain screwed up and unnatural. I can only imagine that it has something to do with them being fed a bunch of pseudo-feminist nonsense. 3) You're not going to like this, but of the 50% of kids who do have sex while they're in high school, about half of those do so in the context of committed romantic relationships and the other half engage in casual sex even if it involves cheating on a boyfriend/girlfriend. These kids are going to be very prone to divorce if they ever do get married since prior sexual promiscuity is the strongest statistical predictor of marital infidelity. This huge percentage of kids acting like this is just extremely sad, and in this overly permissive "explore your sexuality" town the percentage is probably higher. I wonder how many parents around here even object to this behavior? Certainly someone has failed to instill some value of honesty and commitment in relationships in a large number of kids. It's pathetic. So in this world of meaningless sex and girls who think they have to have sex with a guy on the 1st date to have any chance at a meaningful romantic relationship, as silly as this twilight stuff would seem to most adults I think it's a GOOD influence in that it shows young people actually pursuing ROMANCE and COURTSHIP instead of MEANINGLESS CASUAL SEX. Casual sex is particularly damaging to girls due to the amount of oxytocin released during sex and their strong bonding response to it, a fact that's literally censored since it suggests that maybe girls shouldn't "explore their sexuality" and just do anything with no consequences. Honestly I think you really don't understand whats up with kids these days or you're just in denial. I can provide academic references for everything I've mentioned if you want. There are a few books you should probably read such as Unprotected by Marriam M. Grossman, MD.
alicem
Sun, Nov 22, 2009 : 7 a.m.
Excellent story. I'm not even a mom, I'm a 25 year old young woman who was also very concerned at the impression of romance this series gave to young girls. I could go on and on with a plethora of examples from the book, but in sum, you hit the nail on the head: Edward and Bella's relationship is not healthy. He is restrictive and controlling, she possesses little sense of self outside the confines of their relationship (what were her hope and goals before she met him?) Sadly, girls will role their eyes at these assessments. Fortunately, there's enough entertaining young-teen fiction that portrays healthy relationships. Feed them enough of that as well and hopefully they'll catch on.