After training (poorly) for the Big House Big Heart 5K, I ran the course this morning, clocking in around 30 minutes. I almost threw up twice, lost feeling in my left foot for the last half-mile and looked like Denard Robinson when I crossed the finish line (an untied shoelace).

A quick postmortem:

• Every mascot in Ann Arbor showed up to non-verbally support runners along the route, including what I assume was a Real Seafood Company shrimp or anatomically incorrect lobster.

• This morning was the first time I was microchipped. I felt like a pound puppy.

• Best Advice for Next Year: Don’t drink a giant cup of coffee thirty minutes before the run, no matter how early you have to get out of bed.

• Attention Parents Who Ran With Their Children: Are you kidding me?/BRAVO! Unlike normal eight to twelve year-olds, your kids averaged an eight-minute mile for the entire 5K. I kept expecting to pass gassed kids lying in the grass asking for popsicles, but it never happened. I’m not sure what you’re feeding your little tykes, but it’s working.

• Best Outfit: A Peter Warrick Cincinnati Bengals jersey.

• Thank God: BTB was not open at 9:30 a.m. There is a 90 percent chance I would have stopped.

• Thank God: For all the volunteers and supporters who cheered along the course. The crowd at the end of the race was definitely helpful.

• Nowhere else in the world will you see more inspirational phrases on t-shirts.

• On the surface of it, running a little over three miles is no big deal, but doing it in the middle of a giant mass of people presents unique challenges. I tweeted afterward, “I will never do that again (unless the race has a REALLY catchy name).” Ask me tomorrow to see if that holds true.

(You can still read about Rich's strenuous training regimen on page three of today's Sunday print edition of AnnArbor.com. True, you could read it online, but then you'd miss out on all the valuable circulars. Save $40 on a Savage Bolt Action 17HMR Rifle from Dunham's! You can email Rich at richretyi@gmail.com.)