Crime spree on the West Side? Fight it the Ann Arbor way!
I work out of the Workantile Exchange on Main Street, a hub of geekery and snarky discussion. This morning we have decided to tackle the issue of home break-ins on the West Side. Ann Arbor style.
Dave Nelson suggests death by Le Creuset. I will add to that and say that it should be a Dutch Oven, to the face, purchased from Downtown Home and Garden.
Trek the Mononymous ("I'm like Cher") would prefer a Samurai sword. I don't think that's very West Side Ann Arbor, unless it's a Samurai sword that was found at Treasure Mart and refurbished.
Mike Kessler says: "There is no crime spree. It's one guy, breaking into shit. That's no crime spree." Mike is the "They're Just Swans" of the West Side crime spree.
Some more of my personal ideas: 1. Pedal-powered home security systems. It's simple, really. Each member of your household pedals the stationary bike for one hour per day, "banking" the energy generated and using it to power the alarm when no one is at home.
2. Judge the invader to death. Trap him (the current suspect is male. I am fully supportive of equal opportunity accusation. Don't judge me! Please! For the love of your deity here!) in your home and find out if he's carrying a reusable canvas bag. Does he purchase the tools of his thieving trade at a local business? Because, although he may be able to buy that crowbar at Walmart, we have plenty of small businesses that sell the same item. Buy local or bye bye local! It would be better if you could trap the invader in his own home so that you could check out his book collection, but that seems difficult. Bonus points if you do.
3. Sensible shoes and sport sandals. 'Cause you can run faster.
Jordan Miller is the lead blogger for The Deuce. (She lives on the West Side of Ann Arbor... and she's prepared) She can be reached via E-mail: A2jordanmiller [at] gmail.com, or on Twitter: _jordanmiller_
Comments
LA
Wed, Sep 30, 2009 : 8:51 a.m.
Great article. I'm in.... I can let me dog off leash and if the robber is from A2 he'll stop to lecture me.
Jon Saalberg
Thu, Sep 24, 2009 : 8:03 a.m.
I wonder if there is a break in the case. Or at least, a chase. Yesterday, I saw two police cars pull out of the church parking lot on Chapin Street. I followed them, as they were going my way, west on Miller. Then they turned onto Gott Street, my street. When I came out of my home a bit later, there were three police cars parked in the 800 block of Gott Street. Perhaps the wanted individual was observed lurking about.
Ric the Ruler
Wed, Sep 23, 2009 : 12:16 p.m.
Bill--I particularly like the guy at Jackson and 94 with the blank sign! Just a small piece of cardboard, with no writing at all. Brilliant!
Bill
Tue, Sep 22, 2009 : 2:57 p.m.
@Ric the Ruler: I did see a guy on the Jackson I-94 exit with a sign saying something like "I can beg, borrow, or steal. What would you rather me do?"
Ric the Ruler
Tue, Sep 22, 2009 : 2:50 p.m.
I say, kill'em with kindness! Everytime you see someone in your neighborhood that seems like they don't belong, just give them a couple bucks. Maybe they will start standing on neighborhood street corners with cardboard signs that say, "give me some money, or I'll break into your home!"
Donna J. Fisher
Tue, Sep 22, 2009 : 9:30 a.m.
You gotta lok 'e, square in the eye and yell, "HEY, Putz! Put that down. It does not belong to you." Criminals rely upon the silence of strangers. They're quite shocked (and usually into submission) when their victims talk right to them.
Trevor Staples
Tue, Sep 22, 2009 : 6:19 a.m.
If you live in a neighborhood where break-ins are happening (the Northwest Side, not the Old West Side), you have a different take on them. Someone is going around while people are at work and kicking in doors. They steal the easy stuff that's left out, then split. This isn't a case of finding out what you can do to defend yourself when face to face with a burglar. If you have kids, or any kind of valuables in your home, this is scary. The public is invited to a meeting tonight at the Ann Arbor Community Center. The police chief will be there to discuss the crime spree (yes, one person can go on a crime spree). Having said that, I urge people who take annarbor.com too seriously to scroll up and check out what section this piece is in. As Steve Martin said, "Comedy is not pretty." There's no way to make humor funny to everyone.
John Galt
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:52 p.m.
Exercise your 2nd Amendment rights.
Rich Kinsey
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 8:57 p.m.
Jordan you would probably be shocked at the books in the suspect's library. Actually there are more magazines than actual books. Observations I have made in many suspect's homes: you won't find them in Better Homes and Gardens and you don't want to eat anything they might bring to a potluck.
Jordan Miller
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 7:42 p.m.
I consider myself duly chastised.
Jordan Miller
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 4:52 p.m.
My technique is to have absolutely nothing of monetary value, unless there is a major market for cracked iPhones and old cameras that no longer work. And Gordon Lightfoot records.
auntiemmmm
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 4:34 p.m.
I am pretty sure the skunk under my porch has deterred many a burgler
Linda Diane Feldt
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 4:28 p.m.
Let's also put all the pampered pooches to work. Dog patrols. Although the skunks might distract them. And that can't be good.
Laura Bien
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 4:06 p.m.
My technique is to completely carpet my front yard with plastic shopping bags, creating a Slip-'N-Slide effect for would-be thieves hopping over my fence. Controls unsightly weeds, too--and I sleep soundly at night.
Patrick Haggood
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 3:25 p.m.
Jordon, you forgot to mention "porch couches". There, now the circle is complete.
treetowncartel
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 3:11 p.m.
The use of physical force requires that you are unable to retreat and subjectively feel you are in a position to be harmed. So, make sure that whether it is a sword, dog, dutch oven or shoe you get them coming, rather than going.
treetowncartel
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 2:38 p.m.
I suppose if you were a green belt you may be able to deter some thievery, black would probably be better.
Jordan Miller
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 2:29 p.m.
Yes! We went from the West Side crime spree to the issue of off-leash dogs. This comment thread has officially come full circle on Ann Arbor hot button issues! Anybody want to talk about the Green Belt?
treetowncartel
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 2:26 p.m.
Bill, if your dog is off the leash it is more of a deterrent to thievery, and the haters of dogs, than if it on the leash. This is true whether the dog is inside of your house or outside.
Laura Bien
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 1:28 p.m.
"Don't know about that, but I'm pretty sure you can install security cameras on the Old West Side, so long as they use a powder flash." I laughed out loud.
amlive
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 12:15 p.m.
"Can the panel source early-20th-Century burglar bars for those living in historic districts?"Don't know about that, but I'm pretty sure you can install security cameras on the Old West Side, so long as they use a powder flash.
Moose
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 12:13 p.m.
According to FBI stats via the Detroit News and AA Politico "Ann Arbor and Lansing each had a drop in violent crime in 2008 but an increase in property crime, the FBI said." For a graphic table and other info (with a soupcon of snark), go here. http://a2politico.wordpress.com/2009/09/14/fbi-contradict-hieftjes-claim-that-crime-is-down/
Alan Benard
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : noon
Can the panel source early-20th-Century burglar bars for those living in historic districts?
Jordan Miller
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:51 a.m.
Hard stats would require actual research. I deal only in soft stats. Which are, basically, Facebook updates and overheard conversations.
Bill
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:44 a.m.
Does anyone have any hard stats on how much of an effect dogs, security systems, cameras, and other deterrents have on residential crime?
Andy Fowler
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:39 a.m.
Aw, Buzz Killington!
Moose
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:30 a.m.
Making light of other people's misfortunes like suffering from a break in, possible theft or worse, plays into the hands of the bury-head-in-sand politicians like the mayor who would like us to believe that the FBI crime stats indicating an increase in local crime aren't a big deal... Nothing to see here, run along, we have it under control. Yeah, let's get a latte and find a wifi hotspot. Let's see who cries like a baby without a pacifier when the geeks, snarks and faux hipsters get their iPhones and laptops stolen from their kitchen table because they didn't lock the back door.
amlive
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:30 a.m.
Since we don't have a dog, I've been collecting poop-bags from local dog walkers to spread around my yard. It's a similar approach to the fake surveillance cameras, or Brinks home security stickers you can buy on eBay. Rumor has it that this thief is non-union as well, which could mean trouble for him around here if he's caught coming through a window without his card.
Jordan Miller
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:15 a.m.
Throw in a Medeski, Martin and Wood album and you'll never get him to leave.
ChrisW
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:13 a.m.
Leave a few joints on the table with a lighter and the thief will be easier to catch. If you have munchies, he'll probably still be there when the cops arrive.
Jordan Miller
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 11:12 a.m.
Solution: Paint your curb yellow!
Andy Fowler
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 : 10:39 a.m.
This is fantastic! I simply don't provide a parking space for would-be-thieves. It works, and it's quite Ann-Arbor-y!