Since we got in the car, the boys have been speaking in acronyms. I understand every fourth word or so—“sucks,” “awesome,” “I disagree.” They might as well be speaking Japanese.

I knew I was in for this. I know nothing about cars. Nothing. If you asked me what kind of car I was standing in front of, I would say, "Blue." Since my boyfriend is a gearhead, I have since learned to fake my way to a plausible answer by learning the various logos. Models elude me, unless they're stamped on the trunk. Specs? Forget it. They have four wheels and an engine. They go. This is the sum of my knowledge and, if I'm honest, interest.

So then why would I be here, on my way to the North American International Auto Show at Cobo Arena? Like a jock on his way to Comicon, like a Trekkie watching the super bowl, I am on a safari adventure into how the other half lives. I fully expected to do a lot of clueless, good-natured nodding, very little contributing to conversation and swallowing my outrage during sticker shock.

I am a fan of clean commutes, so I was pretty stoked about seeing the green cars — the Teslas, the Smart cars, the hybrid engines—even the elusive and much-hyped Chevy Volt. And they were all impressive - the Tesla most of all, with its entirely touchscreen interface.

They weren’t the highlight of my trip, however. Curiously, I went just as wild about the concept cars and multi-thousand-dollar showroom beauties as the boys did. After two hours of wandering around a showroom, getting in and out of seats, pushing buttons, asking questions… I began to actually appreciate cars. If you haven’t had a chance to attend, I offer this breakdown of the Best in Shows.

Prettiest car: Maserati

It’s the Hugh Jackman of cars. Man or woman, your eyes are on it until one of you leaves the room. A deep sea blue led everyone to believe they were looking at the sexiest humpback whale ever born. Velvet ropes kept the hoi polloi well back from the body, lest your plebian fingerprints smudge its perfection. And I couldn’t even be mad.

Car I’ll have a hard time not buying when my current ride expires: The Volvo S40.

The name synonymous with safety doesn’t immediately lend itself to attractiveness, but the S40 was one of the flashiest sedans present. It was roomy, quite comfortable and the moon roof sold me. Next time I need the stress of an auto loan, Volvo gets my business.

Most impressive: Audi R8.

The entire Audi collection was in white, except for the R8, which was showcased in metallic pondwater brown. This risky, butbrilliant move proved its point. If it’s beautiful, it doesn’t matter what color it is.

Company with the most auspicious view of the future: Toyota

Whereas most concepts went the way of Batman—sleeker, shinier, lower—the Toyota concept car looked like a page out of a pastel manga novel. The sunshine-yellow bubble car sports an exterior of cartoon flowers usually reserved for cellphone cases, flexible silicone seating and a steering column out of Apple’s steampunk collection. This would barely be viable transport in Kirby’s Dreamland, let alone the roads of America.

Prettiest display: Volkswagon.

The lighting in the far corner of the arena was bright with intent to blind, and thus made every car into a four-wheeled version of Angelina Jolie. Little touches, like the VW logo in the eye of the headlights, certainly left an impression. Such things can make a Golf look good in the way a snowy dealer lot just can’t.



Most fun: The yellow Camaro

Painted like Bumblebee, complete with Transformers logo on the side and hubcaps, these guys obviously know about boys and their toys and aren’t afraid to cater to that.

Sarah Smallwood is a freelance writer living and working in Ann Arbor. She is currently rewriting her first novel and keeps a daily blog at The Other Shoe. She can be reached at heybeedoo@gmail.com.