Father’s Day is around the corner and I am not quite sure how to handle this year’s holiday. My dad passed away in December and this will be my first Father’s Day without him.

I can still embrace Father’s Day. I celebrate a loving husband who cares for our kids and I celebrate a kind father-in-law who makes an outstanding Pappaw, but I still miss my dad. How do I celebrate him this year?

I found one way to honor Dad when I attended an Arbor Hospice grief support program for adult children who have lost a parent. The grief counselor gave each person in our group a “memory bag,” a silky pouch tied with ribbon that fit in the palms of our hands. Inside were three small stones: one smooth, one rough and one gemstone. We were encouraged to hold each stone and remember our parent who had died.

As we held the smooth stone, we remembered something sweet about our relationship with our parent, something that made us feel good. I remembered how Dad came up to help with my recovery after knee surgery, how he slept in the recliner while I was stuck on the sofa nearby so that he could hear me if I needed something. What a great nurse he made.

As we held the rough stone, we were encouraged not to forget there are rough spots in any parent-child relationship. The coarse edges gave me permission to remember a nasty disagreement we had when I was preparing for college. Dad wanted me to commute to UNC and I wanted the full experience of living on campus. Surely this affects how I approach college for my teenage boys now.

The gemstone helped us remember something we really valued about our parent. It reminded me how my 83-year-old Dad drove all the way from N.C. to be here for my son Adam’s high school graduation last June. None of us knew then it would be his last trip to Michigan.

I found his little bag of stones a useful tool for learning how to remember Dad with less sadness. I encourage any other grieving daughters or sons to gather three stones and try this for yourselves.

How do you remember your own parent on special days (and on ordinary days as well)?

Amy Fryar Kennedy is a hospice nurse, a mom, and a Tarheel who writes about faith, hospice and other experiences. She can be reached at alf-ken@hotmail.com.