Welcome to Divorce Pastor, a new contribution I'll be making to AnnArbor.com.

Depending on who you are and your circumstances — these articles will come as either a curiosity, a place to find tools for approaching divorce as a Christian, or guide to avoiding The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

Who am I? My expertise is in marital issues negotiation and divorce consulting; in practice since 1983. Graduated from The University of Michigan (before that, Saline High School). Ironically, my first job was as a wedding photographer, with a Hasselblad that used film. Extensively trained in alternative dispute resolution, secular and faith-based approaches.

But clients tell me that my most important credential is as a divorced dad.

Every divorce professional comes with a point-of-view, a bias. I do mean everyone.

That doesn’t have to be feared as a bad thing. You just need to be aware of it, because the ultimate responsibility is yours for every action and reaction you take here.

Don’t believe me? Check your wallet at the beginning and then again at the end of your divorce, and tell me whose life is impacted by the change (no pun intended). Name someone else whose lifestyle and influence will be so radically changed when it comes to bringing up your children.

My starting point is God’s Word. Genesis 2:16-17 sets the stage for choice. Consequence follows right after, becoming thematic to the Bible. The last book of the Old Testament quotes God as saying, “I hate divorce,” in Malachi 2:16. Me, too. Ask any sane person who’s gone through it and they’ll tell you the same.

That doesn’t mean that God hates you, however. Quite the contrary. He provides means to help you avoid it throughout Scripture; He provides redemption for those who go forward with divorce, regardless of the reason. All fall short, as Paul writes in Romans 3:23. The operative word here being “all.”

Divorce can be a tempting place for the identification of brand-name sins as a way of firming up positions of right versus wrong. Take adultery, which researcher John M. Gottman, Ph.D., has found to have very little to do with divorce as a precipitating cause. Jesus says at Matthew 5:28, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

In other words, don’t throw stones.

One of the most common concerns expressed to me is that taking a Christian approach to marital strife, or, indeed, divorce, somehow means bargaining from a position of weakness. Of course, I am committed to the philosophy of Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Sometimes it’s not possible. I think there is a reason we’re told that Jesus was the son of a carpenter. And He certainly didn’t demure from confronting wrong, as Scripture illustrates in John 2:14-17. Let’s just be sure we’re also looking to Him in seeking to discern what's really wrong in justifying a fight.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 is a great help here. In fact, it’s my favorite passage.

Divorce is “a” response to family troubles, desperate conflict between a husband and a wife. But it’s not “the only” reaction. These Divorce Pastor columns will expand on those options frequently, including paths to marital reconciliation.

To be honest, the percentages there are low. I help something like one out of every fifty couples I serve to reconcile: Always by their mutual choice, although subsequent to invariable surprise when I lay this out as an option at our intake. My office door does say “Divorce,” after all. That’s not going to change. My practice is dedicated to respecting individuals notwithstanding this label, and, as I wrote above, facilitating their right to make their own choices wherever responsibly possible.

Like marriage, divorce cuts across a lot of functional disciplines, with lines frequently blurring between. Lawyers who are called upon to provide emotional guidance. Psychologists asked to weigh in on financial decisions. Accountants with opinions on the legal consequences of this direction versus that.

Spiritual counseling at once provides the underpinning for decisions in all of these areas, and also stands apart; thus, I'm "none of the above." I responded to God’s calling for ordination in recognition of this, seeking not to lead a large church congregation, but, rather, for ministry to those in marital distress, in the process of divorce, and in the long walk to healing as single-again individuals.

When I share stories here in my Divorce Pastor columns for AnnArbor.com, rest assured that names and other identifying information is always sufficiently changed to maintain privacy. Although I’m not a lawyer and don’t play one on television, I did watch Dragnet when growing up. (Ephesians 1:11?)

Off and on since 2004, I've blogged on divorce prior to coming here. Those columns are online for your review as well.

As I wrote above just before the jump, my son’s mother and I divorced when our boy was very, very young. For many years, I was a single dad, seeing him through pre- and then into elementary school. Remarriage and the strategy that went into preparing to make what is now my blended family here in Saline was a forward-thinking, disciplined journey. My wife graciously allows me to use many of our stories and her stories in my pastoral counseling.

But she self-imposes a healthy distance from the “emergency room” nature of divorce help. Rather, her contribution to the good of society is as a professional dog trainer.

Without straying too far from the topic, I’ll flesh out what I hope will be an exception in this as an extreme-me column with just a few broader tangents.

My initial education focused on communications and organizational development. I’ve worked a fair amount internationally; I credit that, and my paternal grandfather for my understanding of people and an ability to facilitate win/win negotiations among them. I’ve also worked in industry, which has been vital in rooting clients in a business mindset when approaching divorce.

Fear not: "Business" thinking is not a bad thing in divorce. Neither is it the esoteric thing beyond common understanding that some would have you believe. I enjoy taking the mystery out of that, simply offering its benefits.

“Why does this decision make more sense than that?” “What are your alternatives?” “You do, of course, realize that there are always risks.” “How will this action serve your ultimate goals, as we’ve worked to define them?”

I suppose a dedication to my BlackBerry Bold somehow comes from those real-world tests and customer orientation. I'll further use it to validate an ongoing technology commitment my HP tc1100 Tablet PC running Windows XP, curiously now seemingly more advanced than the ubiquitous netbooks coming about. Got to love ironies as they come. WatchTime magazine has identified me as an international expert on Ian Fleming and timepieces related to his James Bond 007 character (although I'm not sure if that helps or hurts my credentials here).

Bringing things back to home, then, invariably my vacations are here in Michigan. I bike locally when I can, and take our kayak out on the Huron River from Dexter to Delhi as time permits.

Outside of my practice, I serve as Troop Chaplain for a local Boy Scout Unit here in Saline. Before that, I was Cubmaster for my son’s Pack in Ann Arbor, holding that position for a little over two years; Assistant Cubmaster before that. I was honored with the 2009 District Award of Merit for Huron Trails here in Washtenaw County. In my role as BSA District Vice-Chair responsible for Membership, don’t be surprised if we end up discussing the many ways in which your opportunities for area youth service can flank against otherwise potentially compromised parenting routines and obligations consequent to divorce.

The New Living Translation is what I turn to most for reference, followed closely by NIV. But The Message will surely show up here on occasion. I also keep King James handy, because there are some things that just don’t ring out the same any other way.

Let me close this first formal column by saying that trust can only come through significance, challenge, and time. Your life — discussed here in terms of marriage, family, and divorce, but more broadly in terms of God’s eternal plan — is a series of choices you must make based on relationship. Pray over what you read here, compare it to what you know and here elsewhere.

Hold me as accountable as you will surely see me encourage you to scrutinize others.

Contact through www.divorcepastor.com or (734) 668-2001 for work specific to your situation. Additionally, I welcome your reply to this Divorce Pastor column.