Michigan football starts tomorrow. Ann Arbor police administrators realize it's “GO” time for the plans they constantly update all year to keep 107,000 fans safe.Â
It's a great Ann Arbor tradition - and one that takes a lot of cooperation and coordination between local police departments to move that many people in and out of the city safely.Â
If you're heading there, you should know a few things about traffic control from the other side of the whistle.
The one-way traffic system does a great job. Michigan football traffic has been the model for many other large public events around the country.
Sometimes it can be frustrating for a townie who needs to get somewhere past the stadium on game day, but for those attending the game, traffic moves quite well on streets that normally only handle a fraction of the traffic.
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Patience is the most important virtue for all those moving through on Saturday. I guarantee the officers on traffic points are doing their best to keep traffic going.Â
Here are some other tips:Â
For those not attending the game, if you have to run an errand Saturday, do it very early or during the game. The game starts at 3:30 p.m., so people will start trickling in around 10 or 11 a.m. During the game, traffic around town is light. Post-game traffic is heaviest, so listen to the game on the radio to judge when to stay out of the area. Traffic will be a problem around the stadium for about an hour after the game.Â
For those who will be in the thick of traffic congestion, please be careful around the officers directing traffic. Keep a close eye on them. They'll be wearing day-glo/reflective vests. Please turn your radio down and get off your cell phone, and if weather permits, open your window so you can hear traffic directions.Â
Remember one long blast from a traffic whistle (the preferred whistle is the Acme Thunderer -yes, just like the brand name Wylie Coyote uses to try to catch the Road Runner) and an officer with his palm up in the universal STOP position means you should STOP. Don’t be a “creeper,” remain stopped because once you stop, the officer will turn from you to give direction to other lines of traffic. Two quick tweets of the whistle and a scooping hand motion pulling or pointing you one way means GO.Â
Many loud quick short blasts in succession means there's a problem. Someone isn't paying attention and is holding up traffic. What the officer is trying to impart is, “Excuse me dear motorist, if you would kindly pay a little closer attention to what we are all trying to accomplish here I would greatly appreciate it.” What the officer is thinking is more like “You! Yes You (insert your own witty term here to denote someone of less than average intelligence). Get your car (actually they are not thinking car but rather a crude anatomical term for a body part that faces south when you walk north) through this intersection..NOW!!”
If you're leaving the game in darkness, traffic officers will be using flashlights with red cones attached. If the flashlights fail or there aren't enough of them, the officers will use flares. This is a tricky time for traffic control because it's much harder to see the officers.Â
Please use extreme caution because an officer in traffic at night feels like a rodeo clown - only the bulls in this case are 3,000-pound automobiles.Â
If an officer ever taps your car with a flashlight or flare, it means the officer just had a near-death experience, and you were way too close and the cause! I have personally bounced flares off the hoods of several cars I thought were going to hit me. It's a departmentally-unapproved technique to get a driver’s immediate attention and express an officer's extreme displeasure that you were about to hit him or her.Â
Wear sunglasses in the late afternoon. Dust that accumulates on your windshield from dusty parking lots and a setting sun can really impair a driver’s vision. I’ve seen a pedestrian get hit, and I almost got hit directing traffic in these conditions.Â
By the way, did you know most cops have highly-developed lip reading skills? Most officers can actually read your lips from behind you, like when we turn on the top lights to pull a driver over. When the driver spots the top lights in their rear view mirror and violently throws his or her head forward, it can mean only one of two words.Â
Similarly, when traffic cops decide one direction of traffic must stop, they point at who they think is the most attentive driver. Invariably, the driver who's stopped will throw both hands up off the steering wheel as a show of disgust. The driver must be thinking, “Why me” or a variation “Why is it always me!” The driver’s lips usually form some rather unflattering words about the officer’s birth or the officer’s relationship with a parent. Depending on what's mouthed or heard, that person may be inadvertently stopped for longer than other motorists.Â
The officer's goal is to stop cars short of the intersection to keep the intersection unobstructed so traffic can flow. When drivers try to sneak through a light and block the intersection, all traffic stops. It's a condition called “spillback” that then creates traffic gridlock.
At such places as South State and Stimpson or South State and I-94, there are times when traffic will gridlock for a minute or two. I won’t bore you with the reason, but suffice to say, it's like trying to fit 10 pounds of stuff in a 5-pound bag. PLEASE BE PATIENT AND DON'T START HONKING! Â
Enthusiastic honking of horns after a big game is expected—in moderation please. Honking when traffic isn't moving helps no one. Someone who honks out of frustration is only stating the obvious and ratcheting up the tension for everyone. Honking also slows traffic because officers can't communicate between each other to try to solve the problem.Â
Another problem for officers directing traffic is giving directions to people looking for a specific parking lot, address or business. Police officers really do want to help citizens. Giving good directions helps the citizens and makes the officer feel good.Â
But on football Saturdays at really busy traffic points, officers simply don't have the time to give directions. If the motorist persists with direction questions, while blocking an intersection, the standard answer given by the officer with the whistle clenched is, “Straight ahead - you can’t miss it!” At less intense intersections, the officer will have motorist pull out of the intersection and give the directions when time permits.
When time permitted, the directions I gave motorists usually started with, “Oh I’m sorry you can’t get there from here.” I’d wait for the look of bewilderment, smile and tell the person “just kidding” before giving the proper directions.Â
Another note: Remember ticket-scalping and peddling without a permit are the violations you risk for selling tickets. Holding up traffic to buy/sell tickets is the quickest way to get singled out and cited by officers.Â
So on game day remember: BE PATIENT, BE CONSIDERATE, PAY ATTENTION IN TRAFFIC, OBEY THE LAWS AND HAVE A GOOD TIME. As always remember: lock it up, don’t leave it unattended, be aware and look out for your neighbors.
Comments
JakeD
Wed, Sep 9, 2009 : 2:21 a.m.
Hah hah hah! "... unflattering words about the officers birth or the officers relationship with a parent."
train317
Tue, Sep 8, 2009 : 11:18 a.m.
Very informative as well as entertaining...bravo.
Matt Van Auker
Sat, Sep 5, 2009 : 11:10 a.m.
Take the bus, buddy, take the bus. I never have a problem getting around on Football Saturdays. I never have a problem getting around.
bunnyabbot
Fri, Sep 4, 2009 : 10:19 p.m.
yes, I liked your blog as well. although as a born and bred townie I know how to get anywhere to anywhere in and around this town in any conditions. This town, ypsi, saline, dexter. But mostly how to get thru town with as little stops as possible, the lightest traffic possible and getting around clog fests. Many times a passenger will say where are we going only to be pleasantly surprised we avoided a lot and shaved 10 mins off the drive. and I always pay attention to the officers, especially the cute male ones with the nice butts :)
Ron
Fri, Sep 4, 2009 : 6:07 p.m.
Very good story, thank you!
Laiane
Fri, Sep 4, 2009 : 6:02 p.m.
Thank you for your article! I'm a townie who always gripes about getting around town on football Saturdays. It's so easy to forget what a tough job directing traffic is on those days.
kryspatton
Fri, Sep 4, 2009 : 5:55 p.m.
Very funny! It's hard to think of the officers' point of view when I'm in frustrating traffic. Next time, I know I will.
Rich Kinsey
Fri, Sep 4, 2009 : 5:23 p.m.
Sorry to all that there are no paragraph breaks in this blog. It is annoying and I'll try not to let that happen again.