Rowdy teens need parental discipline
Let me first preface this by stating that I love our young folks. I also love the parental aspects of life, but I also feel the need to tell it like it is with some people and to some people who are of the mindset that seems to be clueless as to their sons and daughters as they drop them off at the movies or the mall.
I recently took my daughter to see the new movie “Takers” on its opening weekend at the Rave/Showcase Cinemas. There were young kids and teens being dropped off at the door and quite a bit of them were both restless and rowdy. Most of them headed right into the theater to see the same movie as my daughter and I.
The theater people must have known about a Friday movie opening and young folks because all during the movie they had two security guards that were assigned to that movie only.
The young folk were on their cell phones before, during and after the movie, they put their feet up on the seats, they loudly acknowledged the actors in the movie that they liked, such as the rappers and singers named TI and Chris Brown, and the security had to go back and forth to remind them to behave like young adults.
My question is, where is this coming from, “i.e.” the attitudes, the disposable income that allows these young folk to have cell phones, iPods, jewelry, designer type clothing and cars that they drive (that) have the big tires with rims that you can see yourself in better than the bathroom mirror?
What have our generation of parents done: spared the rod and spoiled the child, give them everything and get nothing in return, not correct bad behavior when we see it right before our eyes.
We need to get a grip and realize that as some of us had nothing back in our youth, these kids of today may need more than just material things. In this day they need something that we did have, more discipline for the ones that need it most.
Tony Weatherspoon Sr. Ypsilanti
Comments
CincoDeMayo
Mon, Sep 20, 2010 : 1:42 a.m.
win: "My reaction to people like that is "if I see your child walking into a burning building, what would you like me to do? Stay out of it, it's none of my business?" I can relate to this - I was sitting in my own home once, and upon hearing a man viciously begin yelling at a female who was crying out,opened my door and yelled out into the darkness, "What is going on?" concerned that someone was going to get hurt, or was being hurt. I was met by my neighbor's daughter's cry to "mind your own business!" (I did find it necessary to inform her that as soon as I could hear her screams in my living room it became my business....)
CincoDeMayo
Mon, Sep 20, 2010 : 1:19 a.m.
In my experiences I have found that 98% of the time that I have asked teenagers / young adults to stop some offensive behavior, they have stopped. There is a certain age when kids begin socializing away from their parents and sometimes get caught up in what their peers are doing. As an adult I feel it is okay to offer some guidance to them especially when it is having a negative impact on the people around them. It's important to let them know this. (FYI feel free to correct my kids who are out there, I am sure, right now, testing the limits with their peers...) And, like I said, 98% of the time, a very simple direction to stop the behavior works to stop it. Sometimes just a "Hey!" is enough, sometimes a direct request is necessary, sometimes an added explanation is appropriate... In the 2% of the times that I have unfortunately been threatened, my kids are at least clear about what my expectations are, and will be, for them. They also learn that I won't be intimidated by this kind of behavior, and, that they can expect the same type of response from other adults if they act in that way.
jcj
Wed, Sep 15, 2010 : 11:14 a.m.
@thekatt Yes you should be able to go to the movies without those kinds of disruptions.I have been out in public with my wife and kids on more than one occasion when there were others (not just kids) using filthy language. And on most occasions I have asked them if they would use that language if their mother or grandmother were present. And then I ask them not to use that language in front of my kids and their Mother! Almost had to fight a couple times but thought we have to stand up for what we think is right. And contrary to popular belief. I still think there are words you don't use in public!
thekatt
Tue, Sep 14, 2010 : 11:55 a.m.
As the writer of this article i was expressing to others that we must take hold of this and the next generation. My family and I should be able to attend this and any other theater of our choosing, any park, any venue for sports or activities. We did speak up at this theater and at another theater this past spring in wayne the management had to remove over thirty kids of all races because they were kissing each other, pulling there clothes down and going into sexual type acts and disrupting any and everyone that was there to movie watch. There phones were ringing, they were extra loud and they knew that they outnumbered the people who came to see the movie. We were given our money back but again I ask, cannot we go out with family to a movie or must we be confined to our household. I say No.
robyn
Mon, Sep 13, 2010 : 1:22 p.m.
And just how are you 'assisting' a young person by leaving the movie theather and renting the movie to watch at home? Seems more like ignoring than assisting. jcj makes a good point also - it has become unacceptable for anyone to comment to another person's child about anything - especially when you really don't know the kid. Depending upon the circumstances involved - it can get quite ugly even if it was never intended to evolve into ugliness...
Rasputin
Mon, Sep 13, 2010 : 11:54 a.m.
@ jcj, case in point.
Mark
Mon, Sep 13, 2010 : 11:14 a.m.
It definitely takes a village when our taxes pay for their incarceration. Kids learn their behavior at an early age from guess, who? Their parents.
jcj
Mon, Sep 13, 2010 : 11:12 a.m.
@Rasputin "I also think that we, citizens, have a responsibility to assist in guiding kids to make the right choice, e.g. it takes a village" I might agree in theory. But what form does that guidance take specifically? Do you when you see kid making the wrong choice tell him/her? Suppose you don't know him/her? What do you think would be the reaction of most kids? What if the kids parents don't agree with what you think is the right choice? It is risky depending on the age of the kid even talking to them if they are unknown to you. There are very few "villages" anymore. That phrase may have rung true when you actually knew the kids and the parents in your "village".
Rasputin
Mon, Sep 13, 2010 : 9:53 a.m.
@ robyn, clearly it takes good parents teaching kids at an early age about how to get along within our society and abide by our cultural norms. However, I also think that we, citizens, have a responsibility to assist in guiding kids to make the right choice, e.g. it takes a village. I never meant to allude to the fact that parents are not in the equation! I hope this makes sense.
robyn
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 9:30 p.m.
I kind of got a kick out of the 'It takes a village...' statement. No offense but that's a bit of a cop out when it comes to raising your kids. I guess it works if you don't want to take responsibility - after all if the kids turn out bad it's the fault of the village and not the parent right? I have to agree with the poster that said teaching begins at an early age. They should be well on their way to being 'good citizens' by the time they are teenagers. I should add that I meet more nice teens that are well mannered and intelligent (if not a bit goofy at times) than I do kids that are socially rude and obnoxious. I can honestly say that the kids in this day and age are - in many ways - more mature and adult like than they were when I was a teen.
jcj
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 9:25 p.m.
bunnyabout, Gotta agree with you on this one.It does not take a village! It takes responsible adults to teach their children to respect others. My wife and I raised our children (now in their thirties)so that they never disrespected an adult in the adults presence or ours! And our children never spent a night away from us until they were about 10 years old. They were ours and our responsibility. My children may have gotten 1 spanking each in their lives. But when I said something I seldom had to tell them twice! Because they knew that I was not bluffing like so many parents do. The first thing we always asked their teachers was. Are they disruptive in class and do they treat others with respect? Then we could talk about school work. I could give a hoot if your child is an A student if they are a jerk! @scooter dog "I did it when I was a snotty nosed kid,they'll grow out of it and look back on their youth and say,boy was I a real jerk." That is true in most cases but sometimes they never grow up. And they end up always thinking they should have and do whatever they want.
Veggie Burrito
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 9:19 p.m.
this was the most racist post i've ever read on annarbor.com. basically every stereotype about young people of color was invoked in a single article - but i guess we can just pretend this was an opinion piece ridiculing a general lack of parental discipline in this day and age....I mean, seriously - you're not even going to question the racial profiling in question on the part of Showcase Cinemas' security guard staffing?
breadman
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 9:11 p.m.
It did not show in the movies listing, that it is for teens only. Rating was PG-13.
bunnyabbot
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 8:55 p.m.
@ fremdfirma we are talking about the movie theater scenario as written about in the opinion. Sorry, but I do not agree with you that the adults/ushers in this instance need to earn respect. We are talking about common curtesy here for the enviorment of a movie theater, which really makes it simple b/c they even have in the previews to turn off your cellphone and pagers, keep it quiet and parents with screaming/crying babies please take them out, this is common sense to be curtious. For other scenarios where an adult approaches a group of loud kids and says you need to keep it down (for example) than no, he does not need to earn respect, for someone to do that usually means they've been putting up with it for awhile. on more than one occasion I have had to tell some teens to stop swearing in front of someone elses smaller children (both instances the mothers had some horrified looks on their face yet not enough moxey to speak up for whatever reason). Both times the teens just weren't aware of their surroundings (the world outside thier bubble), said "oh" and then piped down. I didn't worry about respecting them b/c they were acting like idiots and I didn't worry about having them respect me or not, I wouldn't have taken attitude from them (and they probably sensed that). A firm "knock it off" usually works. If that didn't work then they should have said, "that's it, get out" the other patrons probably would have clapped.
breadman
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 8:07 p.m.
Teaching starts at a much younger age! When they become teens its way to late. I agree if, security come in multi times to remind the group they are in a movie and others around them please seattle down. I think I would have went too the Manager. Very disrespectful! Movie for the teens or not!
fremdfirma
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 3:17 p.m.
Oh I dunno, you could try earning their respect by communicating with them instead of at them, and setting a good example, instead of using force, fear and threats while behaving in the very manner that they are being disciplined for, perhaps? Or maybe treat them as people, instead of property and pets - which is, legally, the status of any individual who has not yet hit the "magic number" no matter how mature or immature they are. The problem most adults seem to run into is that respect is a two way street, and if none is ever offered, if the adult is unworthy of it, they resort to demanding it by force simply because the law allows them to do so, and this colors the opinion of youth and presents an us-versus-them dynamic which does no party of it any good at all. Treating young people as outsiders, lesser beings, or enemies - that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and once they've come to see adults as an oppositional force, as an oppressive, exploitive one, it becomes that much harder to get through to them. In short EARN your respect, be worthy of it, and then, only then, will they listen to you and your opinions.
bunnyabbot
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 1:38 p.m.
@Rasputin, it does not take a village. It takes a parent of a child parenting thier children. (personal responsibily for taking on the role of parents) It is not up to the other villagers to babysit/parent someone elses child. Correct/teach them maybe, but being corrected/taught by another adult will only work if the parents of the child have taught the child to be respectful of what others are saying.
robyn
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 12:51 p.m.
@ rasputin: UUmmm why should we rent the movie and take it home? I'd think those that want to talk and interrupt the movie, lay across seats and generally goof off would be more comfortable doing so at home. I guess I'm totally messed up - I can watch a movie and not bother anyone around me - they can enjoy the movie because I am not disrupting them. YET - if someone comes in and disrupts the movie that I am quietly enjoying - I have to leave??? Makes no sense at all.
bunnyabbot
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 12:16 p.m.
I see part of the problem as being parents show status and live vicarously through their children. The parents live high on the hog so the children do as well. Parents have lax boundries for the children because they themselves don't set boundries on themselves. the writer should have spoke to the manager and asked for a refund for the movie. They should have also told the kids to quiet down or told them to leave the theater. Repeatedly asking the same group of children to act within movie etiquette and then not removing them really doesn't do much.
Rasputin
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 12:06 p.m.
It takes a village... and some patience. If you don't like the behavior, rent the film a few months later at home? Nothing has changed, we've just become more sanctimonious!
robyn
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 11:11 a.m.
@ win: That's the truth! But it gives you a very good indication about where the kids' learned that wonderful behavior!
win
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 11:03 a.m.
It used to be that any adult could correct the behavior of a child. But now, if you try and correct them, the child will cuss you out. And if his/her parents find out you tried to correct them, they will have a problem with you. Instead of checking their child for bad behavior, the act just as much a fool as their child. My reaction to people like that is "if I see your child walking into a burning building, what would you like me to do? Stay out of it, it's none of my business? Shame isn't it?
scooter dog
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 10:50 a.m.
A good portion of parents now days,havent a clue as to what ther little darlings do or are up to out of there sight. Some kids are just born to raise cane and are disruptive in any setting. I did it when I was a snott nosed kid,they'll grow out of it and look back on ther youth and say,boy was I a real jerk.
robyn
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 10:49 a.m.
It is the fault of the parents for not teaching their children basic respect and common courtesy. If I pay to see a movie - any movie - I have the right to enjoy that movie without the interruption and interferece of obnoxious self-absorbed people who have no respect for those around them. Likening people who object to the poor behavior of kids to the neighborhood grouch that yells at kids to 'keep off the grass' is also self-absorbed - perhaps that neighborhood grouch has paid for his home and lawn and spends his time to keep it nice and doesn't think people have the right to just disrespect his property and his work? Sometimes kids need to put themselves into the position of those around them and ask themselves if they'd appreciate others being obnoxious and rude. This one will probably be deleted also - apparently A2.com moderates not from a point of neutrality, but a point of personal opinion which is subject to whome ever is in control of the delete button on any given day.
tdw
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 10:38 a.m.
I say blame teachers.When these same kids fail in school it's the teachers fault and not the parents
Urban Sombrero
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 9:22 a.m.
It's not just "kids nowadays". There were plenty of rowdy teens when I was one. No matter which age group you're talking about, there will always be certain individuals who act out and others who behave. Human nature and all that. To blame "parents today" is just naive. There are rowdy, obnoxious jerks in every age group.
johnnya2
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 8:49 a.m.
"What have our generation of parents done: spared the rod and spoiled the child, give them everything and get nothing in return, not correct bad behavior when we see it right before our eyes." Basically, you sound like the old guy saying "get off my lawn you damn kids". The movie was geared towards the kids you insult. It would be like going to a rock concert and saying why didn't the kids respectfully applause and sit down after each song like we do at the symphony. Both are concerts, but you don;t act the same at them.
ronaldduck
Sun, Sep 12, 2010 : 7:58 a.m.
The problem is that to many parents are lazy. They have found that it is easier to let the kids have their way than to correct them. And that leads the kids to have no respect for adults and authority or anyone else for that matter. Raising children properly is hard work.