Part Four: Public Embarrassment

As my childhood fear of dance recitals sets in, I am beginning to think that the decision to perform my bellydance “skills” publicly may have been ill conceived.

I have been studying bellydance for a bit over a year now, and having no self-discipline, I lack all of the additional skill that someone who would have been religiously practicing during all of that time would have. It’s a shame really, but I have been beginning to turn the tide recently. Much like this blog, the decision to publicly expose myself doing something that otherwise would make me much more comfortable if it were to have remained relatively private, is a decision that was made under the auspices of the “this’ll be good for me” self-justification clause. And slowly but surely, it is getting me to do more of the things I want to accomplish.

I was drawn to bellydance in the first place for the reason I think most people are: it is intensely seductive. But once I started to do more investigating, more and more I became drawn to it as a natural fit for the way my body wants to move, and also for its (as it seems to me at least, though I know there is a raging debate about this amongst the bellydance-savvy) many cultural variations and derivations, and for its beauty and interpretative quality in each of these. Bellydance also celebrates the woman, and I don’t know about you, but the celebration of the female form in all her forms was a concept that resonated deep inside me and seemed to say, “finally.”

You may not think to look at it, but Michigan actually has quite a large bellydance community, and also a wealth of diverse and amazingly talented instructors. In my case, my best friend and I had been talking about starting bellydance classes seriously for a little while, and between the two of us, we had amassed an almost embarrassingly large collection of various how-to bellydance DVD’s. We always knew that we wanted to take classes, so we began to look around for something that would fit for both of us, as we live about an hour apart but wanted to do this together. Since then, my bff and I have become quite the connoisseurs, though I must admit she is far more educated than I in the styles and sub-styles and musical arrangements. This is great because we are both learning together and she can forward me all the great stuff she finds ☺.

As we were beginning our research, I enrolled in a class being offered by Ann Arbor Red and Ed. The class was good for me to start with, but was extremely basic. Afterwards, I heard from a friend that there was going to be a 6-week open level bellydance course starting at A2 Yoga. I had gone there a couple of times by that point, and felt comfortable to let my freak flag fly there so to speak (I say that with GREAT affection by the way), and it is rare to find an environment that is so welcoming of all people no matter who they are or where they are at in their lives, and I wanted to be a part of that. So I took the plunge. I enrolled, and began training my flesh and muscle on how to shimmy, figure eight and undulate its way into the ranks of talented bellydance. I found right away that my body responded to this kind of exercise in a way that was both more natural and more beneficial to me than any of my preconceived expectations.

For example, throughout the years, I have dealt with a number of semi-related issues that many women do; chronic abdominal pain and cramping, etc. - things that aren’t quite wrong but things that can make life very uncomfortable nonetheless. I have found for myself that the combination of bellydance and Anusara yoga (more to come on that in future posts) has been the only thing that has helped my body feel better. Both specifically and systemically, my body is feeling far better than it has maybe ever in my adult life. Also, I might add that for me, and I am not a medical professional in any way, but for me, this is the only combination I have found to alleviate many of the symptoms I was suffering when quite a few doctors and just as many prescriptions couldn’t. However, it does seem for my body to be the combination of the two things, the bellydance and the yoga, that are bringing about this change in my body. Alone they feel like two halves that are desperately missing each other. So I do them together, and voila! An exercise plan that doesn’t make me want to barf that will hold my interest. Sure, it’s not all a big calorie burner, but for toning, flexibility, and balance, this mélange of movements does it for me. As far as the cardio fat burning piece, that will come. This is where I’m at today.

Also, for any of my ladies out there who wish to celebrate their curves and keep them even as they drop a little weight, bellydance is a wonderful way to go, and it will enrich your life. I wouldn’t have thought it, but opening myself up to this way of moving has allowed me to see my body in all of its rolling glory as a beautiful thing. It has certainly contributed to my having much better self-esteem where my weight is concerned. It was in bellydance class that I first began to look at myself as I am now and think, “You know, I’m not the one who has a problem with this.” I don’t have to be the one at the table saying, “Elizabeth, should you really be eating that dessert?” That I can leave to those who will think that no matter what I say. Denying myself the pleasure of eating good food while I am still on this earth to enjoy it isn’t quite my plan - however, it does not mean that I have to eat it in giant quantities anymore (just in case you are wondering if I am negating my entire argument and reason for writing this blog.)

Back to the main thread of the piece - now that I have been taking classes for about a year-and-a-half, it has come time to perform with one of my classes in our winter hafla. A hafla is a celebration of belly dance in which bellydancers come together and all perform for each other in groups or by themselves. It’s like a dance recital without the stage Moms, the spandex, and the rigidity - okay, there may be some spandex depending on how you roll, but I digress. My best friend and I are doing this together, and it should be fun - but this is the first time I will have taken the stage in front of people I know, really trying at dancing since roughly the third grade. I did dance in the Ann Arbor Rec and Ed recital, but my justification for that was that there are some things you can only do in front of a stranger, and I didn’t know anyone there outside of my class. This will be different, not only will people I know be there, but I want to be really good. I find that I am holding myself to a higher standard now, and I have also been practicing - in fact, my best friend and I are getting together to have an all-day practice fest soon, because, well, we need it. And, let’s just say that if there are security cameras in the elevators at work, I’m in trouble, because someone has been having to watch me practice my ¾ shimmy all the way up and down that building each time I get the space to myself. Practice, practice, practice. Hopefully it’ll make perfect, but I’ll definitely keep you updated.

In the future, installments of Confessions of a Curvy Girl will be published every Wednesday, this has changed since the last post due to unavoidable rescheduling.

You can contact Elizabeth by e-mailing her at elizabethpalmer@annarbor.com.