Father's Day -- Big deal or is it?

If you are one of those unlucky people who wasn't blessed with a blue ribbon dad, this and every Father's Day may not be on your radar or may feel so painful that you want to skip right over it. Some dads are so abusive, absent or horrific that they don't even make the good enough dads list. To the fathers in both of these categories, I say SHAME ON YOU! To the kids and adults who share this too common affliction, I am very very sorry. There is a way out of father hurt and I encourage you to begin or continue your healing process.

Are you someone who lost your father to illness and/or death before you had enough of him? If so, then perhaps Father's Day is a painful reminder of this loss or maybe it's a day on which you celebrate the time you had with your dad.

Maybe you are one of those lucky people who had or have a good enough or possibly even fantastic dad. If so, then Father's Day may seem like a holiday. It is a day to count your blessings and spend some special time with the guy who helped mold you into the person you are today.

Father's Day - big deal. I don't know if the day itself is a big deal, but I do know that fathers are a big deal. Fathers have a profound influence on a child's self-esteem, self-confidence and relationship choices. Fathers have, in my opinion, received short shrift in the literature about the profound influence they have on their children's emotional and relational lives. In short, fathers matter and they matter big time.

Men often get stuck in the role and mind-set of provider and protector with their softer underbelly going unexpressed and therefore unnoticed. We all get caught in gender stereotypes that help keep the sexes polarized, which affects the politics of marriage and parenting. These rigid patterns can cause confusion and hurt for both sexes, kids and adults alike

I think it would be really great if this Father's Day amidst the barbecues, gifts and special times we sneak in a little reflection and perhaps discussion on what it means to be a really good father. For all the men out there to take a little risk, a small step towards being more open to their own feelings. For all the women to put down their judgments and angst over their annoyance towards the men in their life and try to look at life through their eyes.

I believe that if men and women work to understand each others perspective, there will be more opportunity for openness, which, I hope, would lead to fathers who can be more whole.

Be a blue-ribbon dad. All the kids in the world depend on it.

And, if your dad was not the best or perhaps even the worst, know that Father's Day is for you, too, because you deserved to have a really good dad. Go find yourself a male mentor and role-model. It's a great gift to give yourself and next Father's Day you can celebrate with him in mind.

Chris writes a blog and has a website . You can reach her at 734-669-7202 or by email.