I’ll be honest with you; I am feeling a little snarky about giving right now. Don’t get me wrong, my Christmas shopping is 99 percent finished, and I have enjoyed every minute of the gift-buying experience. I have put careful thought into who would like what gifts, searched for bargains and feel excited that Santa’s workshop (my closet) is packed with gifts.

At a very simplified level, people can fall into two categories: givers and takers. At heart, I have been a giver, and over my almost 60 years of life, I have worked diligently on rebalancing this natural trait so that I now get almost as much as I give.

I have put much thought into understanding what it is about the holidays that is most important to me, so that I can correct my natural tendency to overdo. Somehow, I have taken the charge to make the holidays special for everybody. Over the past five years, I have retired from that position a little at a time. This year the holidays will be special but not spectacular, and my needs will get met more than last year or the year before.

So why do I feel snarky? The holidays tend to highlight that there are still things I want from some relationships that just aren’t going to happen in the way I desire. Clinging to this desire is what the Buddhists call creating your own suffering. The only person I have control over is myself, I so I need to get out of my own way, readjust my thoughts and get back in the game of gratitude for what I have.

I take comfort in knowing that most women suffer from this dis-ease of giving; putting others first, worrying about friends and family, feeling like we have to offer solutions even if we weren’t asked to do so, baking until our hair falls out and on and on. And, it's true, if we don't let other people experience our new selves, no matter how fledgling, they will expect the same behaviors from us. It's only through changing ourselves that others are likely to change.

So, thank you, Ms. Snarky for showing up. Like the proverbial bucket of cold water, you have roused me from unrealistic expectations, brought me back to relationship reality and set me back on the path of tranquility. Going to the hardware store looking for milk is an exercise in futility. I get it and I quit!

So, for all of you out there on the snarky train, take a look inside and see what ticket you purchased that put you on the Feeling Train to nowhere pleasant; get off at the next station and ride the Peace Train home.

This post is for all my clients and others struggling with how to do the holidays differently for whatever reason; loss, financial instability, illness. It’s okay to do things differently, sometimes there is gold in them thar hills.

Peace to all. We are all in this changing world together as one human family, even with those folks who can drive us nuts.

Chris Wucherer, a life coach, business coach and psychotherapist, has 28 years of experience helping people create saner lives. She uses a wide array of practical tools, tips and a deep visioning process to help people move forward. Chris firmly believes and practices the principles that saner living makes for great living. She is the Saner Living Guru. Chris writes a blog and has a website. You can reach her at 734-669-7202 or by email.