Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Benjamin Franklin

There are only three things you really need to tackle any home improvement project — a hammer, a friend who knows which end of it to hang on to and a six pack.
- Me

From time to time in this column, I have mentioned the word, "beer." The context is usually something like, "The engineering summit consisted of us examining the baffling pile of what we assumed were the parts we were going to need, grunting at each other and gesturing with our beer bottles."

In response to this, I sometimes hear from readers with comments like, "We really enjoy your column, and think that you are the funniest person who ever lived, but it seems like you drink an awful lot of beer. We have children, you know."

OK, aside from the "funniest person who ever lived" part, this confuses me. First, like most guys, I can't see how anyone could consider "a lot of beer" to be in any way "awful." Second, I am just mentioning beer in my column, not actually swilling it on a public street corner with my pants around my ankles, shuffling in circles and singing, "Polly Wolly Doodle."

And as for your children, rest assured that I am not in any way trying to lead them down the path to certain ruin. That's your job as a parent.

As you might have guessed from the epigrams above, beer lore is woven throughout the history of mankind. According to the Book of Genesis, Noah's provisions for the Ark included beer, although most bible historians agree that he was probably really good about not tossing the empty cans overboard.

In about 55 BC the Roman legions introduced beer to Northern Europe. Led by Roman General Marcus Labaticus, these troops befriended the little-known "Pretzel" tribe in present-day Germany, and thus were able to conquer the entire region with nothing more than a couple of fist fights in the parking lot.

In 1492, Columbus found Indians making beer from corn and black birch sap. Sensing a marketing opportunity, the explorer set the tribe up in a brick building with big copper vats and $15 hamburgers, inventing the first brewpub. This establishment, unfortunately named, "Yellow-Bear-Stream-In-Woods Brew Haus," has since faded completely from most of the history books.

As the Pilgrims sailed up the Atlantic Coast in 1620, they realized that their beer supplies were running low. Mistaking Plymouth Rock for a 7-Eleven, they immediately landed and spent their first harsh winter in the new world foraging in vain for Slim Jims.

In 1909, Teddy Roosevelt brought 500 gallons of beer along with him on safari to Africa. While the expedition failed to bring home a lion, they did bag a cow, a donkey, two squirrels and a "Yield" sign, plus they slightly wounded Roosevelt's personal chef, Reneé.

There are some countries in the world today in which children are virtually raised on beer, drinking it pretty much from the day they are weaned from their mothers. While I don't really condone this, I admit it makes a certain amount of sense to go ahead and let the tykes have a little fun, considering just what it is they're leaving behind.

And that, as far as I'm concerned, is the deal about beer. I enjoy it. Most of my friends enjoy it. Other friends have enjoyed it just a little bit too much in the past, so now they just drink club soda and talk about how they used to enjoy it, reminding the rest of us that we ought to stick with enjoying it just enough.

Anyway, you get the drift. Cheers!

Mike Ball is the Erma Bombeck Award-winning author of "What I've Learned So Far..." and the book What I've Learned So Far... Part I: Bikes, Docks & Slush Nuggets.