Giving up a pet because the relationship just isn't working - have you had the experience?
Silver, helping me out. He's a great companion.
Lorrie Shaw / Contributor
We all hear stories about folks getting a pet and soon realizing that the prospect of co-existing with said animal is not what they bargained for. They might decide that the pet wasn't the right species to consider or that owning an animal is more than they can handle — period.
As I was considering this topic, I recalled my own experience feeling like I was at my wits' end with my now senior cat, Silver. When I decided to welcome him into the household, I was at a point when I thought I was ready for a pet — and I was — but what I wasn't ready for was Silver. Totally unprepared, I thought, "How hard could it be? He's a cat!"
As I write this — and at most times when I'm at my desk — Silver is sitting my lap, peering over the desk and eyeballing an ink pen. He's my little buddy. He even follows me around outdoors when I'm gardening. You fellow cat owners know what I'm talking about. Thinking back to that time so many years ago, sometimes it was a very bumpy road to get from there to here.
Silver, a year old then, came from a relative of mine who at the time wasn't able to keep him. They asked if I wanted him, and after careful consideration I was all for it — with the condition that Silver would have a permanent home with me. I was very committed to the prospect of having a cat as a pet. It's a good thing that I had that mindset. I was going to need it, because I was in for a rude awakening.
He acclimated quickly and came out of his shy shell after only a few days. Sweet, cuddly, fun-loving, this kitty was. Shortly thereafter, though, what ensued was sometimes like a battle-of-wills.
Looking back, it appeared as though Silver was trying to get back at me for things that I wasn't even aware of: he would chew on telephone cords and the pull-cords on the new wooden blinds that I had to have specially cut for the windows. He had deeply clawed the wooden windowsills; he even urinated on my freshly folded laundry. Holes were torn in window screens by him on the lower level of our split-level, and then there was the vocalizing at night back and forth with a female feral cat that was probably in heat — and there was no central air in the house at the time. Trust me, there's more.
The nine-pound ball of fur, I was sure, was out to get me. I was aghast. I felt so ill-equipped, and was sure that I was going to fail and have to re-home him. It made me frustrated, sad, angry at myself. What I eventually realized was that I was absolutely clueless about life with a cat. I wanted a happy life for Silver — for the household. I sought the help of our vet for answers and help. I learned that in most cases, Silver was trying to communicate something to me or that I needed to make some simple changes to accommodate sharing a home with a feline.
I'm glad that I wasn't in a spot where I had bitten off more than I could chew. I know that my experience was not unique by any means, and others have very likely endured a much more slippery slope with a pet. Our situation worked out, but not all do. With so many pets becoming a part of the family regardless of the circumstances of their arrival — and despite the best intentions — things don't turn out the way everyone hopes.
Have you ever welcomed a pet and had a bumpy road — how did you resolve the issue? Have you ever had to give up a pet because it just wasn't manageable? At what point does it become necessary to make the decision to part ways with a pet when it's not working out?
As always, your input is valued. Take the poll and please, leave your comments below.
Lorrie Shaw is a regular pets contributor for AnnArbor.com and wrote the popular blog post, "The Bucket List for Pets." She is also owner of Professional Pet Sitting, providing pet sitting services and dog walking. She welcomes your contact by e-mail.
Comments
Lorrie Shaw
Sun, Nov 14, 2010 : 11:52 a.m.
Thanks to all of you for commenting. It is an issue that affects many, and it's a hardship on both pet and human. It's always heartwarming to see when a "challenging" pet and human family are paired up and things end happy!
Dog Guy
Fri, Nov 12, 2010 : 7:05 p.m.
"We will kill the old red rooster 'cause he don't crow like he useter." Don't be hasty; wait until she comes.
Sarah Rigg
Fri, Nov 12, 2010 : 10:23 a.m.
I tried to be cautious and "meet" each cat before adopting, but really, you don't know the full personality until you get them home and they settle in a while. Also, a cat who has a certain type of personality in a multi-cat house can act very differently when he's adopted and becomes the only cat in a home. Both of our cats have had personality traits that made them a handful at times, but I never regretted adopting either one. I think people should think LONG and hard and should do their best to make sure the cat or dog is a good match for the families, that allergies won't be an issue, etc. But, sometimes you just don't know until you get them home, and IMO people who made a strong effort to integrate a pet into a home shouldn't beat themselves up when it doesn't work out.
jns131
Fri, Nov 12, 2010 : 9:35 a.m.
We too adopted from the HS and after a 1 1/2 years with her? She took the house apart. From day one we did everything to appease her. We ended up at the vet and putting her on meds to calm her down. Worked for a while until we realized that we could not afford the meds and all the problems she had. We adopted a puppy to see if she needed a friend? That went from bad to worse. The dog went back to the Humane Society and we told them we tried. Luckily for us the puppy worked out great. No issues. We did adopt a rescue chihuahua and it is working out great so far. I would have loved that long hair. So, no, no guilt giving up the dog just wish things could have been better. Glad to hear I am not alone in this one.
amazonwarrior
Fri, Nov 12, 2010 : 8:56 a.m.
I have had cats as pets for 40+ years, but Buddy has definitely been a challenge. We adopted him when he was a year old, and we had visited with him at the Humane Society for 3 days straight to make sure it was a good match for all of us, he was well behaved and friendly. UNFORTUNATELY, after having him home for a few weeks, he really started acting out, my hands and arms looked like they had been through a meat grinder! Fortunately, he didn't tear up the furniture, but he would attack us for no apparent reason and there were several times I came very close to taking him back. Based on his responses to certain things, it was painfully apparently that he had been seriously and repeatedly abused. It took me about 3 years (I don't give up easily) of working with him, to show him that he had a safe and forever home. Buddy is now 7 years old, and with a lot of TLC he has become an affectionate, although bossy and demanding cat, and we're glad we didn't take him back.
Elaine F. Owsley
Fri, Nov 12, 2010 : 8:27 a.m.
The pet we had to give up was a part border collie we adopted from the Huron Valley Humane Society. He was sweet and walked on a leash and was attentive and adorable at the facility, but when we had him at home his other persona appeared. He like me a lot, but would snarl if my husband came near, he jumped through the screen on a door to get outside, he ran through an invisible fence, four of us wrestled with him to try to get him into the building for obedience school. When he bit the vet tech, he went back. I found out that he had been returned by two previous families. He was put down. It was sad, because he was sweet when he wanted to be, but you couldn't trust him.
Mary Bilyeu
Fri, Nov 12, 2010 : 7:16 a.m.
I've probably tolerated FAR more than I ever should have from some of my animals over the years -- and there have been a lot of critters, even at one time. But the only one I ever had to give away was a little long-haired chihuahua named Julio that we'd adopted from the Humane Society. My son was terribly allergic, and could barely breathe the next day; we didn't even have time to consult a doctor, but had to take Julio back. He'd been such a sweetheart, bonding immediately with Jeremy... it broke my heart, even after only 24 hours. So I'm all for consultations and trying new systems before severing the relationship; animals don't speak English, so we have to try a little harder when we need to communicate with each other!