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Posted on Fri, Feb 3, 2012 : 5 a.m.

Bride wants to keep friend's lecherous husband off guest list

By Dear Abby


Over the years I've stayed in touch with my childhood best friend, "Claire." We talk a few times a year and I attended her wedding 10 years ago.

In the intervening years, her husband, "Kirk," has cheated on her multiple times and was once arrested by an undercover cop when he tried to meet a 14-year-old for a sexual liaison. Despite it all, Claire has chosen to stay with him. I have made peace with the fact that it is her decision and, because she lives in another state, it hasn't affected my life in any practical way -- until now.

I am being married next year, and Claire has expressed excitement at attending my wedding. I'd like to invite her, but not Kirk. I think he would be too much of a distraction for me. There will be enough people keeping an eye on the kids, but I know if I see him talking to my niece or nephew, it will make me extremely uncomfortable. God forbid, if he did something inappropriate, it would end my friendship with Claire.

Am I worrying too much? I don't want to hurt my friend, but I also don't want to put any child in harm's way or have my memory of the day marred with scanning the crowd to make sure Kirk isn't doing anything suspect. Your opinion would be helpful. -- APPREHENSIVE BRIDE-TO-BE


You need to be up front and sort this out with Claire before issuing an invitation. It is possible that her husband is legally enjoined from having contact with minors and could not attend your wedding even if invited. If you prefer that he not attend, you need to have the courage to say so. It probably won't be the first time she has heard it. But safety of the young people, not to mention your peace of mind, must come first.


A few months ago I joined a small church. It had a sign-up sheet for people to bring food to an event. The information requested included my name and email address. The person in charge of the church email added me to the announcements list, and sent every email as a cc instead of a blind copy. Now people I never gave my email address to (and would not have given it to) are replying "all," sending messages to everyone and emailing me directly. It bothers me that they do this. I'm not sure how to approach them about this problem. I guess the rest don't have issues with it, but I do. -- E-PEEVED IN OKLAHOMA


You have two choices: Go through the hassle of changing your email address and notifying your friends and family -- or simply hit "delete" when one of those emails pops up. I vote for the latter. As you stated, it's a small church.


I have been in a relationship with "Danny" for two years. He's smart, charming and funny. However, after we argue I'm always the one to start talking to try to come to a solution or a compromise. Danny never takes the initiative. I think he has a problem communicating with me about his feelings. What should I do? -- TALKER IN PORTLAND, MAINE


If after two years your boyfriend is unwilling or unable to resolve disagreements in an adult fashion, you should suggest couples counseling. It could avert serious problems in the future if you decide to invest more time in this relationship.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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