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Posted on Fri, Mar 23, 2012 : 5 a.m.

Doubling up at cemetery makes room for husband's two wives

By Dear Abby


Years ago I lost my beautiful wife. We had been married for more than 30 years. I bought a plot at the cemetery for both of us, and she's buried there now.

I have since remarried and have been blessed with another wonderful wife. There are no spaces left next to the existing plot, although I would like to be placed between both my wives when the time comes. Any recommendations? -- MR. IN-BETWEEN


You have a couple of options. One would be to ask if your cemetery permits "double-depth" burials, in which one vault is placed on top of another. Or, if you wish, upon your demise you could choose cremation for yourself and have your ashes divided and placed with both wives.

I discussed your question with a wonderful lady, Lisa Carlson, executive director of the Funeral Ethics Organization. She's a mine of commonsense information on the subject of death and funerals -- a subject many people find difficult to discuss.

Lisa reminded me that years ago, funerals were handled at home and by the community, and children grew up understanding what would happen when a death occurred. However, as we turned death over to funeral directors, much of that common knowledge has been lost. The average adult plans only one funeral in a lifetime, and few schools teach us what our choices and rights are -- or how to save money on funerals.

Readers, the Funeral Ethics Organization publishes free, state-specific pamphlets on the subject of funeral consumer rights. To download one for your state, visit its website,, or send a business-size SASE to Funeral Ethics Organization, 87 Upper Access Road, Hinesburg, VT 05461, for a print version.


I recently married my boyfriend of five years. Our marriage is only a few months old, and we're not happy. My husband is sweet, but he is absolutely the world's worst communicator. He's an introvert and has a "whatever" attitude about everything. He tells me he can't put his feelings into words. So how can we fix any of our problems?

We also constantly fight about our sex life. I'd appreciate it at least weekly. He doesn't care if we do "it" or not. I have voiced my concern about our sex life, but it doesn't seem to help. I feel rejected and hurt, and I crave this attention from my husband. I'm an affectionate and attractive young woman -- so what gives? -- NEEDS ATTENTION IN DALLAS


Was your husband this way during the five years you were together before the wedding? If he was, you shouldn't have gone through with it because people don't magically change after a trip to the altar.

If he was passionate, attentive and verbal but now has withdrawn, ask him a simple question: "Do you still want to be married to me?" If he can't answer that one, it's time to ask yourself an important question: "Am I better off with him or not?" If the answer is no, accept the fact that it's time to end the marriage.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)