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Posted on Mon, Jan 30, 2012 : 5 a.m.

Sister's spat is no reason to ruin husband's reunion

By Dear Abby


My wife, "Kate," and her sister, "Judy," do not get along, to the point that my wife refuses to be in the same room with her. I have a class reunion coming up, and Judy is in my class.

Because we're not sure Judy will show up, Kate has said she will attend -- but she'll leave if Judy arrives. We had planned on going in separate cars so Kate could escape if necessary. But now she says if Judy puts in an appearance, she'll be upset with me if I don't leave with her.

I don't get along with Judy either, but I'd like the chance to catch up with other classmates. Kate feels my not leaving with her would demonstrate a lack of support. I don't want my wife's antipathy toward her sister to cause me to be penalized. What to do? -- IN THE MIDDLE


Remind your wife that it's your reunion, not hers. Tell her you plan to go and catch up with your former classmates, and if she'd like to accompany you, you would love to have her at your side. If Judy shows up, it will be two against one. But if seeing Judy would be too upsetting for her, you'll understand if she decides to stay home. It's her choice.


I'm a mature woman who has been seeing a gentleman for five months. We have dinner together, go dancing, watch movies, have game nights with friends, etc. We are together at least four nights a week, and each night it ends the same way. We sit close, hold hands for almost an hour, kiss for several minutes, hug, and then go our separate ways. I'm ready for more.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for marriage. But along with really enjoying his company, I'm very physically attracted to him. We're both kind of shy.

Can you suggest any non-threatening way to bring up the subject of becoming more intimate? Or should I continue to just wait for him to make a move? -- STUCK AT FIRST BASE IN CALIFORNIA


I assume that the gentleman you're seeing is also "mature." Has it occurred to you that he may no longer be able to perform in that department? And if not, how will that affect you?

The time is right to broach the subject of what's missing. A way to go about it would be to tell him you care about him and ask him if you are attractive to him -- and if the answer is yes, follow up by asking why he has been hesitant to take your relationship any further. Then listen.


How do you curb a sweet tooth? I sometimes wake up with the urge to eat sweets at night. This is a big weakness of mine. -- NEEDS TO CURB THE CRAVING


I'm glad you asked, because it gives me a chance to share a technique that works for me. When you have a sweets craving, get up and go brush your teeth! When you're done, the craving will be less.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.