R.A. Vernon PhD, Pastor of The Word church in Cleveland, Ohio.

Angela Verges | Contributor

Pastor R.A. Vernon uses what he calls the new ‘f’ word at his church. He is the pastor at The Word church in Cleveland, Ohio. In a sermon about grace and forgiveness, Pastor Vernon says to forgive those who may have caused you harm. Forgive is the new ‘F-word' used at his church.

Pastor Vernon told members of his congregation to “touch your neighbor and say ‘f’ you. I forgive you for whatever you said about me.” Forgiving someone is not always the easiest thing to do.

While Pastor Vernon’s sermon does not appear to be geared toward children, it gives adults something to ponder. Listening to only a snippet of his talk about forgiveness led me to wonder, "What is the best approach to teach a child about forgiving?"

When I was younger, my mother always said that you forgive a person for yourself, not for the other person. I was reminded of this saying while reading an article at kaboose.com. Psychologist Brad Chapin says, “Forgiveness is always a gift to yourself; you feel better and begin to heal.”

As parents, we have to lead by example. The article, "Teaching the virtues: Forgiveness - Giving and getting" says that we are the best teaching tool for our children. It says, “Parents should model forgiveness for their child, being quick to accept an apology and slow to hold ill feelings against someone who has wronged them.”

The article gave the following suggestions for teaching a child how to forgive:
• Have a child process his hurt through journaling or drawing a picture. Follow up with a journal entry or picture of how the child would feel after forgiving the friend.
• Ask the child open-ended questions about the situation and try to get him to talk without intervening.
• Make forgiveness a choice. Don’t force it upon the child. Some children will need more time than others to process their feelings. This is completely normal.
Our children will experience hurt, but we should encourage them to forgive for themselves. Being able to forgive someone frees a person from carrying hurt and allowing it to shape their future.

You can take Pastor Vernon’s approach and choose to use forgive as the new "F-word" or choose an approach appropriate for your situation. No matter what method you use to teach about forgiveness, the end result should be the same. Forgive for yourself.

What are your suggestions for teaching someone about forgiveness?

Angela Verges is a writer and mother of two. She can be reached at awritersdream41@yahoo.com.