It was going to be a small affair: Five or six little girls wearing their dainty fairy wings and princess dresses, sipping tea, nibbling on birthday cake and doing princess crafts at our home.

We started planning Belle's sixth birthday party months ago, and this was the vision. Until last year, all of Belle's birthday parties had been at home.

Then for her 5th, we hosted a party for her whole preschool class, plus siblings and parents at Xtreme Bounce Zone. It was great fun, but it was also a good chunk of change ($200 for two hours, plus food, cake and decorations). So Kevin and I decided to do a home party again for her 6th, which passed last week while we were on vacation, but the friend party will be next weekend.

Belle has enjoyed the planning over the past few months. She made the invitation ages ago, and has been compiling a long list of activities and games she wants to do. When we started planning, the guest list included about seven girls, so I figured we'd end up with about five at the party.

But over the past few months, Belle's world has expanded with Daisy scouts, and her guest list has grown correspondingly to now include a dozen girls. She wants to invite everybody, and I love that inclusiveness and want to encourage it. I don't want to force her to choose between friends. The fact that I'm co-leader of her Daisy troop made me even more uncomfortable about being selective.

One afternoon a couple of weeks ago it dawned on me that I needed to give some serious thought as to where in our small house and yard this party was going to take place. I started imagining 12 girls running around, and I realized that it would take major planning and organization to keep it from descending into total chaos. With our family vacation coming up in four days, then this site launching right after we got back, and then her birthday party shortly after that, I began to freak out.

That's when I caved to the stress and decided not to do a home party. I should say "that's when I got realistic and told myself that I can't do it all," but it felt more like defeat. The voice of mom-guilt kept saying, "I should be able to do this." And while it's not the first mom thing I've had to relinquish since going back to work part-time a month ago, it's certainly the biggest. I thought Kevin would push back because of the cost, but he didn't even hesitate. Despite the guilt, as soon as we made the decision, I felt immense relief.

I looked around at several lists of birthday party locations in Ann Arbor, but ultimately the best recommendation for us came from my friend Michelle. Knowing Belle, she suggested checking out the local gymnastics centers, which I didn't even know hosted birthday parties. I checked out Champion Gymnastics, Michigan Academy of Gymnastics, and Gym America. Gym America doesn't do parties in the summer, and Champion was on the expensive side (though they do provide everything but the cake). Then I checked with my friend Lisa, who has older girls and is my personal guide to the future, and she said (having both hosted and attended parties at Michigan Academy) that their parties are really fun.

So we explained the change in plans to Belle and gave her two options: Michigan Academy or Xtreme Bounce again. She wasn't disappointed at all; she was really excited. In fact, she had a hard time deciding between the two, but eventually chose the gymnastics party. On the invitations, we did ask her guests to bring their "fairy or princess best" for the celebration part, and I'm still going to make the cake and provide the princess headdress craft that Belle had chosen for the home party. I hope that this party will combine the best of both worlds, which seems fitting, mirroring what I'm now trying to do as a part-time working, part-time stay-at-home mom.

Jen Eyer is on the Community Team at AnnArbor.com. She can be reached at 734-623-2577 or jeneyer@annarbor.com, or you can visit her at the first floor office at 301 East Liberty.

Photo captions: 1. Belle's fourth birthday party, at home in our backyard 2. Belle's fifth birthday party, with her extended family and her whole preschool class, plus siblings and parents, at Xtreme Bounce Zone 3. The invitation Belle made for her sixth birthday party 4. Belle and friends at Xtreme Bounce Zone