Kids' behavior takes a turn for the worse at the holidays

A tea party in front of the tree turns out to be a rare moment of happy, unstructured play.

Jen Eyer | AnnArbor.com

Holiday break has barely begun, and already my kids are at each other's throats — leaving me to wonder how I'm going to survive the next two weeks with my sanity intact.

It's a cruel irony that the season of joy and peace should bring so much strife. Late-night parties, presents, sugary treats and high expectations all contribute to an atmosphere of excess and stress — and the real fun of Christmas day still lies in wait.

In the past two weeks, our six-year-old has attempted to subsume my role as mom, directing and reprimanding her younger brother with a zeal that cries out for more structure herself. Every wrong move he makes is met with a threat that he'll end up on the "Naughty List." It's a wonder he isn't having nightmares about Santa.

For his part, our three-year-old has responded with vitriol. When his sister tries to speak, he often starts yelling to drown her out. Yesterday he clawed at her face.

If we're going to have a half-way decent Christmas, we're going to have to get this under control.

Unfortunately, as I talk to family and friends, it seems that a certain amount of craziness is inevitable around the holidays. That's certainly true for birthdays and Halloween; why should Christmas be any different? If anything, it seems worse because my expectations of good, peaceful behavior are so much higher.

But based on some articles I just read, including this one written by a social worker, I think there are a few measures we can take:

1. More sleep. Normally we allow our oldest to read in bed for as long as she wants at night. Lately she's been staying up until 10 p.m. For the holiday season, this needs to be put on hold. Lights out at 8:30.

2. Less sugar. This one's tricky: who wants to be the spoilsport that doesn't allow their child to have as many treats as the other kids at a party? Maybe the best I can do is to avoid bringing it home. Let them have their fill when they're at events, but no leftovers. Also, resist the urge to buy Candy Cane Joe Joe's just because I can imagine us all enjoying them in front of the Christmas tree, Norman Rockwell-style. That happens once. The rest of the box is the cause of too much whining, and possibly sugar-induced bickering as well.

3. Quality time. We need to set aside some time each day to spend one-on-one with each child.

4. More structure. The fights seem to break out when the kids are left on their own to play. They need more parent-directed activities this time of year.

5. Lower my expectations. The house doesn't need to be picture-perfect. We can eat more takeout. We don't have to send holiday cards this year. And most importantly, the kids aren't going to get along any better just because it's the Christmas season.

6. More focusing outward. Our oldest did one service project for the holidays, but she could do more, especially as she gets older. Reading Parenting contributor Tammy Mayrend's post about involving her children in Warm the Children was inspiring.

Hopefully, if we take these measures, peace will once again reign in our house at Christmas.

Jen Eyer is on the Community Team at AnnArbor.com. She oversees the Parenting and Home & Garden sections, and writes feature stories, blog posts and opinion pieces. She can be reached at 734-623-2577 or jeneyer@annarbor.com.