The last bastion of acceptable bullying: sexual minorities
In this week alone, a number of events highlighted that it can be a dangerous world to live in if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered or questioning (LGBTQ).
Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi jumped off of the George Washington bridge to his death after his roommate had taped a tryst with a male partner. Right in our own backyard Christopher Armstrong, president of the University of Michigan Student Assembly, has recently been the target of a hateful blog by Michigan Assistant Attorney General Andrew Shirvell. And in Saline, they are debating whether to include sexual orientation in their schools' non-discrimination policy.
All of these incidents involve subtle and not-so-subtle bullying. The young student at Rutgers was threatened with being ‘outed’ with a live online streaming internet broadcast of the incident. The two students responsible probably thought this was all fun and games. It is always fun and games until someone gets hurt. Sadly, this hurt won’t be resolved. It isn’t anything a band-aid can be put on. Tyler Clementi is dead. His family will forever suffer the loss of their son.
Christopher Armstrong, the elected president of the University of Michigan’s Student Assembly, has been harassed, threatened and stalked but according to our Attorney General, Mike Cox, this is all under the protection of the First Amendment. Shirvell, who as a public official is supposed to represent all of us, put a swastika over the rainbow flag on a photo of Armstrong's face on his blog.
And Saline, one of our closest neighbors has been debating the question of whether or not, its students need to be protected in official language. Many students of the Saline schools have come forward and have reported harassment and troubling situations, yet the school board still struggled with finding that it was important to protect their entire student body. It is necessary language that gives bullies no room to roam.
The last draft of Saline Area Schools' non-discrimination policy includes sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression. A vote will take place October 12 on whether to change the current policy to one that is more inclusive.
All three of these situations bring to light issues that are faced by the LGBTQ community all too regularly. LGBTQ teens are 4 times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual peers. That number increases to more than 8 times when rejected by their family. I worry for all children in a society that is less than accepting.
Until the inherent worth and dignity of each person is acknowledged, we are not a society that is worth its weight in gold.
We will look back on this time to how we treated the weakest or most marginalized in our society. In his last speech (1977), Hubert H. Humphrey said, "...the moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; those who are in the shadows of life; the sick, the needy and the handicapped. " I think this day in age we can include anyone who is treated as ‘less than’ and sadly, that clearly includes the LGBTQ community.
In our country, state, city and schools, the last bastion of accepted hatred is to target sexual minorities. And not just sexual minorities but also those who support them, family and friends. In both hostile, overt ways and subtle ways.
Stalking, name calling, hazing, and jokes take place at the expense of sexual minorities frequently. That type of harassment is easy to spot.
Subtle discrimination (is discrimination ever subtle?) takes place as well. Every year, my sons bring home from their schools fliers to join the Boy Scouts of America. They know full well that the BSA still discriminate against both sexual and religious minorities (atheists).
My sons don’t understand how their schools, those schools that are suppose to represent all children coming from all families, allow these fliers to be sent home with them. Let’s imagine fliers going home for groups that excluded people based on race, religion, economics, single parent families — it wouldn’t happen.
It is even harder for them to understand why their friends belong to a group that discriminates, and specifically discriminates against everything their family stands for. The two are mutually exclusive. You can't stand in support of gays and belong to the boy scouts.
I am proud that my alma mater decided to protect Christopher Armstrong. I am encouraged that Saline Area Schools are moving forward with a policy that isn't always popular but that is needed. And I wish that Tyler Clementi had had the support he needed. I hope the two people who tormented him will find peace someday or help turn a very sad situation into something that we can all learn from.
All children should feel safe and protected.
All people are entitled to the pursuit of happiness.
All people are entitled to liberty and justice.
Theresa Bassett is both teacher and parent. She and her partner co-parent six children. Passions are kids, adoption, transracial and alternative families. Reach her at theresabassett1@hotmail.com
Comments
Steve Pepple
Fri, Oct 8, 2010 : 6:51 a.m.
A comment that violates our conversation guidelines has been removed.
Larry Works
Tue, Oct 5, 2010 : 4:08 p.m.
Theresa, thanks for sharing. Children, especially teenagers, can be afraid to look for help on LGBTQA (A=Allied) issues especially within there own school systems. Thank goodness the Neutral Zone is one such place to ask questions and discuss the subject with peers. In fact, the Riot Youth Climate Survey of 2009 found sexual harassment occurs regularly in Ann Arbor High Schools. It also, unsurprisingly, found that "the LGBQ youth are significantly less likely than their heterosexual peers to feel comfortable discussing their sexual orientation with figures of authority in their school.". http://www.neutral-zone.org/programs/679/riot-youth-presents-its-school-climate-survey I hope, NZ will conduct this survey on a regularly basis to see if raising awareness of harassment to LGBTQA individuals and the general efforts to reduce bullying have a positive impact in Ann Arbor schools.
Brandy S
Mon, Oct 4, 2010 : 11:16 a.m.
Many thanks to Theresa for bring the issue of bullying, based on the perception of being LGBT, to the public's attention. When I was growing up in the Detroit area during the 1970's, I was hit and laughed at while attending public school. Back in those days, this wasn't recognized as a human rights issue. Good to see that society is gradually evolving to see the right to attend public school without harassment as a human right.
Speechless
Mon, Oct 4, 2010 : 7:47 a.m.
Of course LGBTQ activists and supporters should take care to acknowledge that bullying in all its forms is a widespread problem in schools. That doesn't take away from the recognition that bullying based on sexual orientation is especially severe, and that schools have done less to combat this form of emotional/physical assault as compared to racial or gender-related bullying. Too often, however, when others try to make the counter-argument that it's unnecessary or redundant to modify anti-discrimination policies to include LGBTQ persons, it does come across as a preprogrammed talking point intended to deflect efforts aimed at extending social protection to sexual orientation. For the religious right, the claim that all forms of bullying are equivalent is a convenient message to direct at secular audiences not likely to buy into discriminatory spiritual beliefs. Still, this claim is much like saying that the Klan were no worse than any other bullies in the old South.
Meg
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 11:51 p.m.
Hatred of the "other" is on the rise, and bullying is not limited to the LGBTQ community as others have pointed out. But it is a sad and disturbing fact that by public policy LGBTQ persons are excluded from basic civil rights protections afforded others under the Michigan Eliot-Larsen Civil Rights act, and cannot qualify for even domestic partnership rights in state funded entities (much less marry) under Michigan law thanks to a recent referendum. As to school bullying, general anti-bullying legislation is stalled in Lansing because bigots fear LGBTQ kids will be included! This is the world gay children are entering. The broader and deeply disturbing point of Ms Bassett's eloquent article is that a disproportionate number of LGBTQ children commit suicide. All discrimination is damaging and unjust, but to dismiss bullying of LGBTQ youth as "special pleading" or to talk vaguely of a gay "agenda" is a form of silencing. Yes, there is an agenda--acceptance of the common humanity of us all.
fremdfirma
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 10:58 p.m.
Thank you Theresa, for addressing this, but while everyone mouth the words, seems that few take them to heart, for I have not forgotten Tempest Smith either, and every time, lots of words, and so few to stand behind them. And it shows, everywhere you look, doesn't it?
jobur
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 8:02 p.m.
Thank you Theresa for so clearly stating the issues (and yes, responding to earlier comments, bullying is unacceptable for any reason). As a retired high school administrator who was responsible for discipline in a high school of 1400 students, I can't stress how important it is to clearly state and educate students proactively about the school's expectation. And because gay bashing is so prevalent in high schools and staff feels unprepared to deal with it, there is especially a need to be specific about harassment of toward gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth. There also needs to be education for teachers about how to response to incidents and student reports. As well, there needs to be education of students on how to report there concerns to a trusted adult. Our students need to feel safe in their public schools and have the peace of mind that allows them to participate fully in their education.
Mark A.
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 7:44 p.m.
@Basic Bob, dicrimination by Boy Scouts of America is definitely something that a cub/boy scout and their parents should be aware of, even if strangers have to be the ones to bring it up. It's likely that my questions do lead to discussion afterward, and discussing discrimination against homosexuals is no more wrong than discussing discrimination against blacks, jews, or heterosexuals. Parents, please make your complaints about bullying in writing to the schools and escalate appropriately. Most of all, please don't accept inaction. Please pull your kids from school if nothing is done. Don't send your kids where it's not safe.
Moose
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 6:41 p.m.
Let's discuss kids who are bullied for being fat. These days schools almost organize the bullying. Some schools weigh children regularly and send home notices that the child is "obese" or "at risk of obesity-related problems." They try to teach children to eat healthier but often do so by putting a stigma on fat kids. Assumptions are made about what said children eat, and should they enjoy a treat, one that nobody would blink if a skinny child ate, they are objectified and not just by peers. People assume that obesity is something "simply" changed and trivially preventable. Statistics disagree. Fat kids more likely to be bullied: http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6421XQ20100503 Teens who think they are fat more likely to attempt suicide: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090520064349.htm The truth is the matter is: It does not matter why a child is bullied. Claiming that one group "has it worse" than others tries to place the others in a lesser position. No matter what the reason is, bullying is an escalating and serious problem and must be stopped. The recent tragic events of LGBT students committing suicide only highlights this problem. Making it just about the LGBT community hurts the others who are bullied. (If it matters, and it shouldn't, I consider myself a part of both the LGBT and size acceptance communities.)
Theresa Bassett
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 5:51 p.m.
DonBee and others....I totally agree that bullying is not limited to the gay community and should have changed the title to reflect that. I don't want to trivialize any bullying for any reason. It is wrong in any case. I do believe that the nature of bullying when it comes to sexual identity is different in some ways than bullying someone let's say because they are overweight. Maybe no less mean but there is often a secrecy component and a harsher stigma attached to sexual minorities. Here are four reports of recent suicides. The common theme was that all of these kids were harassed/bullied for being perceived as gay. Bullying is common towards those perceived as 'soft', 'whimpy' or otherwise effeminate. Anoka-Hennepin School District, MN http://minnesotaindependent.com/71475/following-suicides-anoka-hennepin-community-presses-school-board-for-change Tehachapi, Ca....Seth Walsh (13) http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2010/10/no-criminal-charges-to-come-in-case-of-bullied-tehachapi-teen-who-killed-himself.html Houston, Tx....Asher Brown (13) http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/7220896.html Indiana...Billy Lucas (15) http://www.theindychannel.com/news/25041782/detail.html @ViSHa....the fliers you refer to are put out by the district and not a private group. I believe they send them with all children, not assuming anything about the child's family. Also, anyone can attend.
ViSHa
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 5:22 p.m.
quote: My sons dont understand how their schools, those schools that are suppose to represent all children coming from all families, allow these fliers to be sent home with them. Lets imagine fliers going home for groups that excluded people based on race, religion, economics, single parent families it wouldnt happen. I don't know about that, i frequently get emails from school concerning activities for the AAPS DW Black Parents and Students Support Group and I am not African American.
hk
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 5:07 p.m.
The student at Rutgers wasn't threatened with being outed, he WAS OUTED and cyber-bullied.
ypsigirl
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 4:15 p.m.
I have been a subject of a bully recently. It became to much for me and I almost died from the results of the pressure. Bullying is out there and should not be tolerated by anyone. We are not talking about a kid being pushed on the playground here, we are talking about adults who should know better. Just because people are in a position of pwer gives them no right to use their mouths to bully. And the person who videotaped and them played it for all to see, he should be charged with a crime. People need to treat people the way they want to be treated-does anyone need the reference on this? THINK before you open your mouth or do something. It is nothing more than comom courtesy people. THINK BEFORE you open your mouth or do something. Whether it is being overweight, gay, straight, a different religion, different color, mentally challenged or physically challenged, it makes no difference EVERYONE deserves to be treated with respect. If not, they should be judged by a jury of their peers-if they can be found. By the way, I was bullied for being thin by a girl who was overweight.
DonBee
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 3:42 p.m.
Teresa - Walk into any classroom and watch when the teacher has to leave for a while, the overweight, the nerds, the people who dress different, the people who look different, the slow, etc are all picked on. Even in 1st Grade, there is an in crowd and everyone else. The in crowd gets to pick on everyone else. It keeps going all through life. Much of our humor centers on people who don't fit, we make them the butt of lots and lots of jokes and bullying. It is not OK to bully anyone. But saying that I am part of the only group that is bullied is not solving the root problem. We need to teach people from a very early age to celebrate difference. Until everyone can be nice to everyone else, the bully factor will not go away. It is like the achievement gap in schools, it has been with us for almost ever and probably will be with us for almost ever. Most of the time bullies are people who have their own problems and want someone else to feel worse then they do. Fixing their lives in many cases stops the bully behavior.
nicole
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 3:08 p.m.
Right on, "Somewhat Concerned". You get bullied, or are afraid of getting bullied, if you don't think and feel the politically correct way! Thanks to the main stream media and the drones running everything in the U.S.
Somewhat Concerned
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 2:27 p.m.
The last bastion of bullying is to bully anyone who doesn't toe the line on political correctness. Run them out of the U, out of town, and off to some place more tolerant.
Jimmy Olsen
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 2:26 p.m.
Theresa - your headline pretty much says affirms the political agenda that LBGTQ is pushing - "The last bastion of acceptable bullying: sexual minorities". Do you think the overweight, the short, the wide, the different colored, the "name your difference" are experiencing less bullying and harassment? Hardly. Welcome to the club. Be different, put yourself out there and you will be bullied and harassed. The bullies have just found a new target. The only way things will change is to change the bully mentality, and unfortunately that starts at home. The "last bastion", indeed, just the next in line. Get real.
A22Ypsi
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 1:46 p.m.
@Basic Bob: Let's not go overboard now; not even crappy straight teachers can be fired.
Basic Bob
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 1:34 p.m.
No one is claiming that bullying is acceptable in any circumstance. IMO, asking a Cub Scout about homosexuality in front of his parents is bullying. It is an inappropriate discussion for a child to have with a stranger. So we are beyond asking for rights, we are asking for entitlements. A poor teacher can be fired unless they are L, G, B, T, or Q. Then they are to be celebrated.
modeltim
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 1:33 p.m.
I was bullied several times during my youth because other peers were into harassing anyone whom they deemed to be a "sissy". I remember sucker punching a bully in 5th grade because I just couldn't take it anymore (that did shut him up). Fortunately for me, I never had to deal with the "stigma" of actually being gay. So I can't imagine what it must be like to be "different" and knowing it and then being bullied for it but I can certainly empathize. Bullying is a scourge in our society. All one has to do is turn on Fox News and listen to the likes of O'Reilly, Hannity, etc. These people and others like Michigan's Asst. AG serve as role models for bullies in the making. Anyone with integrity and courage who sees bullying when it happens should do whatever they can reasonably do to stop it.
Macabre Sunset
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 12:44 p.m.
It's still acceptable to bully individuals who don't fit in for whatever reason. Claiming special persecuted victim status only deflects attention away from the real problem: addressing those who are doing the bullying. As long as you're competing for the world's biggest victim crown, the real problem will go unaddressed.
Matt Cooper
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 12:31 p.m.
Just to clarify, Clementi's "tryst" was not only taped, is was streamed live on the web for the whole dorm to watch.
Mark A.
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 11:29 a.m.
I mostly agree, but they're definitely not the last group that it seems is socially acceptable to ridicule. There are still plenty of people who pick on the overweight. Even those adults that are open minded enough to love the gays. Also, bisexuals are still discriminated against in the gay and straight communities, not really fitting into either. I'm definitely someone that is all about the girl scout cookies, and refuse to buy popcorn from the cub scouts, but every time I'm asked by the parent and scouts if I want to buy some, I ask if they're still discriminating against gays, and the kids always look at the parents for an answer, and the parents don't even know. A lot of kids join the cub scouts because their friends are doing it. They and their parents don't know about the politics.
A22Ypsi
Sat, Oct 2, 2010 : 10:53 a.m.
I am a gay man but I feel no need to trivialize the difficulties of the many other groups who suffer from bullying (overweight people, ugly people, religious people, special education students, etc.) Articles and comments on conservative sites don't match up with claims that what Tyler Clementi's roommate did to him is considered more acceptable than bullying of other groups. Certain elements in the media are simply trying to use this tragedy to escape criticism for the political positions they are actually pushing (revoking freedom of speech for those whose beliefs they find objectionable.)