Over the past few summer months, marriage season was in swing, making Bed, Bath & Beyond seemingly the most booming slice of the economy in the sluggish state of Michigan.

As I happen to be one of the many brides who have married one of the many Mr. Rights this summer, my time had come to experience Catholic marriage preparation. And I must say, although it varies some from parish to parish, it is a tad more involved than pointing a scan gun at a box of flatware.

Marriage in the Catholic Church is a sacrament, meaning it is a sanctified means by which a person receives grace to prepare their hearts for heaven. Catholicism is one of few Christian traditions that hold marriage as an “official” sacrament, though this is not to say that the Protestant church or other belief systems have any less value for it. In whatever ways it varies or is similar to other religions, marriage in the Catholic Church is a sacred, sacred thing.

Gordon and I immediately began the pre-marital process at our church after becoming engaged. Christ the King, as well as some other churches, has a slightly more involved process than the norm, including a few more classes for conflict management, family planning and catechesis.

Step one of Project Papist Marriage was to meet with a deacon at Christ the King who was in charge of all matrimonial affairs at the church to answer a few basic questions that guaranteed that we were qualified candidates for marriage. As we were still exultant from our freshly minted engagement, we giddily flounced our way over to the parish center while addressing each other as “fiancé” at unnecessary times in conversation.

And then the interrogation began.

Thank goodness the deacon with whom we met was a kind, warm and welcoming man. The protocol for our first meeting was to answer basic but slightly embarrassing questions to assure we were qualified candidates for marriage. We were to answer them separately, and as one of us waited anxiously in the hall, the other had to answer things such as “Can you function sexually?” and try not to asphyxiate on our spit.

That question, among others, sounds a little intrusive, but this is one thing I do like about the process of marriage prep. They don’t mess around. If your future husband is your uncle, is legally married in Belgium, is mentally ill, or is a woman and forgot to tell you, they try to make sure you find out before you spend a year learning about cervical mucus (that’s another part of marriage prep to be explained later). This also serves as preventative measures for future annulments of those seeking marriage knowingly outside of the Church’s terms.

We congratulated ourselves after we passed our initial test that declared we were not siblings and Gordon was definitely a man without 17 different personalities. The deacon then asked us both back into his office and handed each of us a booklet of 25 pages, four thick sections, and eleven appendices spelling out every required element of marriage preparation for Christ the King.

The booklet discussed logistics and guidelines regarding the ceremony, eligibility for marriage, instructions for those assisting in the wedding and a list of all the classes we were to take during our final year as singletons. After realizing we only had a year in which to do all this, it seemed as if we were going to attempt squeezing the whole of the Marine Corps into a day spa.

Our classes included five sessions of “Catholic Information Classes,” which provided basic catechesis to educate engaged couples on the fundamental tenets of the Church. Then there was a short two-day class on conflict management and finally a series of classes on Natural Family Planning, also known as NFP.

As the Catholic Church has always stood against the use of artificial contraception, the NFP method provides couples instruction on how to chart a woman’s cycle to identify her ovulation, and to abstain at that time if there is need to postpone pregnancy. One can track a woman’s ovulation by charting her basal body temperature and other extremely intimate symptoms of fertility. 

If you never thought your gag reflex would become desensitized to the term “cervical mucus,” NFP class provides a grand opportunity to do so. This may be considered one of the more fascinating elements of marriage preparation to the scientifically-minded individuals, as it is a very enlightening lesson in the female reproductive equipment. But for those of have a moderate to high squeamishness (cough-Gordon-cough), it is also a time to be ever more attentive to one’s blood sugar. I may or may not have had to carry cheese sticks and apple juice in my purse to shove down Gordon’s throat during the more anatomy-intense lessons.

Finally, we were assigned to several sessions with our “sponsor” couple, a married couple from the parish to guide us through discussions on communication, conflict management and marital expectations. We took their strong recommendation to go through the “Preparing to Live in Love” program for Catholic engaged couples in addition to the mandated curriculum, which lengthened our meetings significantly. 

It did provide interesting examples of how marriage is meant to be an outpouring of oneself for the other in practical, everyday ways through our sponsors’ own life experience. Also, for those possibly dubious as to the equal nature of male/female roles in Catholic marriage, we were strongly encouraged not to exclusively “assign” tasks to one or the other indefinitely, such as handling finances, but to both have an ample grasp on what needed to be tended. They were definitely instructive and helpful discussions that did clue us in on our differences and potential conflicts, with only a few slightly corny exercises where we had to write each other letters describing our feelings in color and metaphor.

Now three weeks into my marriage, I appreciate everything we experienced through marriage prep, and I do feel that I was better prepared to walk down the aisle with the knowledge of the spiritual, emotional, physical and mental implications it held. The further we ventured into marriage prep, the more we came to understand that marriage is not about us as a lovey-dovey couple; it is about Christ. 

It is about becoming more like Christ and falling more deeply in love with Him. Initially, that sentiment may sound like the antithesis of romance, but the more we studied the Catholic Church’s acclamations of marriage and the virtues it possesses, we have found that this deeper love of Christ ultimately brings us closer and more in love as a couple. A deeper understanding of Christ, as marriage is meant to bring, ultimately will bring more understanding to oneself, to their spouse, and how we’re meant to be as humans. I truly believe that God built us to be happy, and love borne out of Him brings us to our true form, as … well, happy humans. That doesn’t mean that our life will be easy, but I do believe that we will be given joy, love and peace from the closeness to His heart that we’ll encounter in marriage.

One aspect that was particularly hard for myself to grasp was a rather morose concept at first sight: the notion that marriage calls for and causes a sort of death to oneself, to join with another and become one new person together. Does that mean I lose my identity as an individual or a woman? No, of course not. But once we are married, we’re changed. We are not who we were before, because that is how God made marriage, a transformative act to make two people into a more powerful transmittent and recipient of His grace and love. My mission as I am called to as Gordon’s wife, will be to help get him to Heaven, and vice versa and to love him in the unconditional way that God loves him. Our souls will be joined to one another, going beyond Hallmark greeting card lingo, but in the most literal and tangible sense of two souls welded together by God.

The very notion of us participating in such mind blowing sacramental profoundness is dizzying. I don’t feel qualified. But the point of having a marriage, having a partner, is to have help. So I suppose if I were perfect I wouldn’t need a marriage and I could just assume myself into Heaven whenever I wanted. I also wouldn’t need to chart my mucus.

This is not to say that Gordon and I had no idea what marriage meant when we became engaged, nor am I saying that the Christ the King marriage preparations are meant to be a mega-holy and pious boot camp for frisky Catholic 20-somethings waiting to sprint down the aisle. However, I do feel that marriage has depth and purpose just too huge be absorbed immediately, and I feel that Christ the King does a great job preparing couples for this intense, wonderful sacrament. It makes engagement a much more enriching experience, which Gordon (and many others) have likened to waiting for Heaven. In that sense, we don’t know exactly what it will be like when we go, but we know that Jesus waits for us there.

Anna Kangas is a freelance writer and event and outreach coordinator for a local nonprofit. She and her husband (of three weeks) are both converts to the Catholic church. Although Anna has received a total of 30 kitchen appliances and cookware in wedding gifts, she still does not know how to cook. Contact her to comment on her blog or give her cooking tips at annadickey@gmail.com.